#i went in 4 different shops cus i had to go to do different ones to buy stuff for my cousin who had a baby

[nerdie-faerie]

Just me and my bowl of trick or treat sweets against my annual mental health spiral

[buffinbonkers]

I’m so sick of veil guard defenders main rebuke to any critique being “tHeY dIdn’T eVeN pLaY tHe gAmE”.

Let’s say that’s true, and???? Let’s say they quit 8 hours in, 10 hours, 15, like how long do you require someone to not have a good time before they can say “yeah it was bad imo”. Like your main defense is honestly that they didn’t play long enough? As if it’s their fault? As if it’s the gamers responsibility to force themselves to play a game they’re not liking and not the producers to make an enjoyable game? Idk maybe apply that thinking to any other game and maybe you’ll realize the crazy and break free?

I wrote my review of not recommended at 8 hours in, and most of the reasons why I still agree at 60 hours.

Some of my reasons:

1. I played as a mage and I can only have three attacks, three spells at any given time. And the list of spells i can select from is pathetic it’s like 9 maybe? CONSOLE exclusive games give you more options with R2 and L2. It’s just bewilders me that this is the level of decision making I get.

2. You don’t really make decisions, not like in the past three games. I’m 60 hours in and I recall making two decisions, killing some guy - who to my knowledge doesn’t pop back up, and saving 1 of two cities. Which again to my knowledge hasn’t TRULEY affected anything really besides a grumpy companion and a missing faction. (I know the city was destroyed what I mean is either way - a city was destroyed)

3. Speaking of factions (which I hate but I’ll concede that’s maybe a more me thing) you have to run around to every shop to upgrade specific gear, like found gear, gear, which you can’t craft or dye, you just level it up, hope you find the obscure shop that sells the upgrade (there’s so many fucking shops) or google it I guess.

4. Companions (which you only have two of at a time now - again a personal thing prob) don’t have health, so every fight could hypothetically be cheesed by just running around (which is actually more effective then the terrible dodging system) while they kill the enemy.

THESE THINGS ARE BIZARRE? I think that’s what irks me the most, is that the things that are bad are unique, like they took a perfectly good way of doing things, and just threw it out the window for some reason. I’ve played so many games and I’ve just never seen a degradation from a prior game to a new one like this. And y’all can dislike inquisition all you want, but it won game of the year, and it won it for a reason, even if you personally didn’t like it.

The one thing that I was like okay it’s improved, is the dialogue, but even then there’s some problems:

1. Someone else pointed out that while there may be multiple options there’s too many instances where they all are nice placating. Not ACTUAL options in difference responses.

2. Personal but I hate that they went away with the like pick and choose what you talk about with this person. Like I’ve mentioned OPTIONS?

Another point someone made was that some backgrounds should be limited to race, no historical instance of quanari warden/non-mage dwarf in all mage mourn watch which I think is valid af.

Misc REALLY PERSONAL complaint that isn’t that important:

Most of the adamant defenders I see mention the improved like life like quality of the companions, but I would like to point out that, you can romance them right up to “do you commit” and then when you don’t it’s never mentioned again, they move on to whoever is matched with them. If you’re in the middle of romancing one and then commit to another it also just completely disappears. Doesn’t seem very life like to me - they had dialogue about it since origins. Even in inquisition at least if you decided last minute not to go with Dorian at least he wouldn’t ask you for gift advice for bull??? Again I know this is petty, but like I don’t want to help Lucanis woo neve just cus Emmerich wooed me. WHICH I COULD AVOID IF I COULD CHOOSE. IN A DRAGON AGE GAME?

Ofc I still will be finishing the game and reading the fanfics but that because I’m obsessed with the series it self. But I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who’s not a diehard fan, I’d just steer them toward inq, and then just watch the what happened after on YouTube.

[korealog]

[1] Finding my way (ENG/DE) — Sunday, 14.07.24

(ENG)

Day one in Busan is over. Where should I start? It's best to start with how I'm doing... I'm doing great. I woke up at 8:30 this morning & started the day with enough energy. I think the fact that I didn't have a chance to lie down yesterday means that the jet lag is passing me by without a trace... All the better. After getting ready to take part in Korean life out here, I went straight to the first convenience store "CU" to get a small breakfast. At first it was just a banana milk haha... Then I walked to Haeundae Beach (about 3 minutes from here). As I had already created my travel list using the "Naver Maps" app, I walked straight to the closest spot... Blueline Park. You can walk more than 4 km along here and enjoy the view right on the coast. I only made it 1.3 km and found myself in the SkyCapsle on the way back. It took me back again in comfort. I then set off to find the traditional Haeundae market. After turning around a few times while the sat nav kept showing me different directions, I found it! Fish everywhere, slimy and alive... Well, not quite my taste. I know you have to be daring and go beyond your limits, but not on the first day... Fortunately, there were also other dishes between the fish stalls & I promptly got myself some tteobeokki (rice cakes in spicy sauce). Super tasty! Afterwards I came to a huge shopping street (huge in my eyes at least). So this is where I got stuck for a while. Around 2 p.m. I was back on the beach and went to my next destination. The "Nurimaru APEC House" can be reached via a short walk. I would never have thought I would make contacts here. A middle-aged man (Korean) just said "Hi" briefly & as I didn't see anyone else I answered back without further ado. So we got talking & before I knew it he introduced me to his daughter. She is also 20 and a student. We had a great conversation in a mix of Korean and English. She lives in Seoul and offered to meet me again when I come to Seoul. I'm already looking forward to it :) In no time at all, we had exchanged Instagram and said goodbye, because she had to catch her train.

To be continued…

(DE)

Tag eins in Busan ist rum. Wo soll ich nur anfangen? Am besten erstmal wie es mir geht… Mir gehts super. Ich bin heute morgen um 8:30 Uhr wach geworden & mit genug Energie in den Tag gestartet. Ich denke dadurch, dass ich gestern keine Möglichkeit hatte mich zwischendurch hinzulegen, geht der Jetlag geradezu spurlos an mir vorbei… Umso besser. Nachdem ich mich fertig gemacht habe um am koreanischen Leben hier draußen teilnehmen zu können, bin ich direkt in den ersten Convenience Store „CU“ abgebogen, um mir ein kleines Frühstück zu holen. Es wurde erstmal nur eine Bananenmilch haha… Danach bin ich zum Haeundae Beach gelaufen (ca. 3 min von hier). Da ich mir über die App „Naver Maps“ schon meine Travel-List erstellt habe, bin ich direkt zum nahegelegensten Spot gelaufen… der Blueline Park. Hier kann man mehr als 4 km entlang spazieren und die Aussicht direkt an der Küste genießen. Ich bin dann doch nur 1,3 km weit gekommen und habe mich beim Rückweg glatt in der „SkyCapsle“ befunden. Die brachte mich gemütlich wieder zurück. Danach habe ich mich auf den Weg gemacht um den traditionellen Haeundae Markt zu finden. Nach ein paar mal um die eigene Achse drehen, während mir das Navi immer wieder verschieden Richtungen zeigt, habe ich es gefunden! Überall Fisch, und das schleimig & lebendig… Naja, nicht ganz so mein Geschmack. Ich weiß man soll sich auch mal etwas trauen & über seine Grenzen gehen, aber doch nicht direkt am ersten Tag… Zum Glück gab es zwischen den Fischständen auch andere Gerichte & prompt habe ich mir Tteobeokki (Reiskuchen in scharfer Soße) geholt. Super lecker!! Danach bin ich auf eine riesige Shopping Street gekommen (zumindest in meinen Augen riesig). Hier bin ich also erstmal etwas hängen geblieben. Gegen 14:00 Uhr war ich wieder am Strand unterwegs und bin zu meinem nächsten Ziel gegangen. Das „Nurimaru APEC House“ kann man über einen kleinen Rundgang erreichen. Niemals hätte ich gedacht hier gleich Kontakte zu knüpfen. Ein Mann mittleren Alters (koreanisch) sagte nur kurz „Hi“ & da ich niemanden sonst sah antwortete ich kurzerhand zurück. So kamen wir ins Gespräch & bevor ich mich versah stellte er mich seiner Tochter vor. Sie ist ebenfalls 20 und studiert. Wir haben uns super unterhalten, in einem Mix aus Koreansich und Englisch. Sie wohnt in Seoul und hat mir angeboten, dass wir uns nochmal treffen wenn ich nach Seoul komme. Ich freu mich schon drauf :) Schwupps, hatten wir Instagram ausgetauscht und uns verabschiedet, denn sie musste ihren Zug schaffen.

Fortsetzung folgt…

[sapnapsimparc]

change with the wind

wilbur soot and tommyinnit are brothers, child!tommy, sbi as family

i babysit a 3.5 year old and he didn't hold my hand today. my mind went ??? and thus, wilbur's did too. also, i don't know if english speaking toddlers mess up past tenses and misunderstand collocations, but my kid does in our language and it's the most endearing thing ever (other than him holding my hand), so i had to include it.

enjoy!

wilbur was lying in bed, book open in his hands but not actually reading. not anymore. he read some line about holding hands and suddenly remembered tommy wasn't holding his hand on the way home from kindergarten.

now, don't get him wrong, tommy was a big boy, almost 4 years old and always squirming and running away yelling for wilbur to chase him as they walked home, but today was different. wilbur tried to recount everything he did to see if he did something wrong.

he arrived on time. tommy ran towards him from the sandbox when he saw him, showing him the rock tubbo gave him before he went home. wilbur made sure to ooh and wooow at the right times. they said goodbye to the teachers and made sure to grab tommy's coat from his locker. did they take home tommy's little plushie? he remembers tommy asking about it at the gate and the both of them realizing they didn't, but tommy kept on babbling afterwards, so that couldn't be the reason. as they walked, tommy munching away on the scone wilbur always brings him for the way home, wilbur remembers having to stop fairly early on to text their dad, asking if they needed to stop at the shops for anything. wilbur remembers tommy getting antsy while he was typing away and not providing his cued ooohs and aaaaahs as tommy explained the treasure map he found (a toy catalogue. but sure, treasure map, okay). could that be it? was he on his phone more than the kid wanted him to be? or was the scone he brought not up to standards?

''dad?'' he found himself saying, not even noticing his slight panic took him to the kitchen where his father was putting together tomorrow's lunch boxes.

''wil? what are you doing up still?'' the blond man asked, cutting up some vegetables for some salad he was making.

''do you think tommy is mad at me?'' wilbur asked, dropping down on one of the chairs at the table.

''did you do anything for him to be mad about?'' his dad glanced at him for a second before turning back to the cutting board.

''i dont think so'' wilbur mumbled. ''he didn't hold my hand on the way home today'' he explained, shoulders dropping.

''it's okay mate, he only holds my hand when we cross the road too'' phil tutted at his son.

''but that's the thing! he always holds my hand all the way, and today he didn't even reach for it when we crossed the road! not once!'' wilbur blurted out, voice getting desperate. ''and i know it's not just him growing up. he can't just grow up from one day to the next. he- he always holds my hand'' and as a few tears escaped his eyes, phil moved to wash his hands so he could hold his boy.

''i say don't worry about it too much, son. if he doesn't hold your hand next time you walk home together, then maybe start thinking about possible reasons. but kids his age change with the wind. he'll be back in your arms before you know it'' and just as phil finished, they could hear little feet stomping down the stairs, moving slowly and carefully in the darkness.

''daddy? have you saw wilbur?'' tommy asked from the doorway, tiny hands shielding his eyes from the harsh lights of the kitchen.

''i'm right here, toms, do you need something?'' wilbur asked, soft voice only straining a little.

''cuddle with me?'' the kid opened his eyes to seek out his brother and then climbed into his lap. ''had a loud dream'' he mumbled into wilbur's shoulder. ''couldn't sleep back n' i couldn't find you'' his usually bright and wide eyes were glued shut, almost back asleep already in the safe warmth of his brother's hold.

''see? back in your arms, as i said'' phil smiled at wilbur. ''now, into bed you two go. morning will come sooner than you think!'' he kissed his boys on the forehead, ushering wilbur upstairs with tommy in his hands.

''good night'' wilbur whispered to tommy as they snuggled up in the older boy's bed.

''sleep tight'' tommy murmured back and pushed himself just a little closer to wilbur.

''don't let the bedbugs bite'' wilbur said at last, settling down and falling asleep shortly after, now relieved that his little brother has no grudges against him.

[missjanjie]

Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) | (4/?)

Title: Hold Me Tighter (Even Closer) Summary: A sequel to Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer. Brooke Lynn and Vanessa are back at NYU, but with new and improved positions. Brooke’s ready to start her career as a professor when, as fate would have it, she realizes her TA, Jackie, might have the hots for a student named Jan. The couple just might see it as a sign to give two new girls the love story they found in the same place. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~12k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Jankie (Jan Sport/Jackie Cox) Rating: E

read on ao3 | ko-fi

“I feel like I should at least pretend to be surprised. I don’t wanna come off as arrogant, you know?” Jan mused as she and Gigi walked back from the auditorium. She’d gone in just to pick up her script after securing her spot in the musical as Veronica, something she felt this whole week was leading up to. Something that made all of the chaos more bearable. “But this just… it feels right, right?”

Gigi chuckled softly and nodded. “Yeah, we all knew you had this in the bag. But I like the confidence you have, I’m proud of you, and you totally deserve this.”

Jan wrapped her arm around Gigi, hugging her from the side. “Thanks, I still needed to hear that,” she admitted. They continued walking in silence before she hesitantly told her, “I wanna tell Jackie. Despite what happened, she did help me a lot when it came to preparing for the audition.”

Gigi’s eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically. “Are you kidding? This is the perfect excuse to go talk to her! Even if things are weird, I’m sure she does actually want to know if you got the role. And if all goes well, you could always… thank her for her help,” she winked.

“Do you have any ideas about anything that doesn’t involve sex?” she asked.

“Hm… No, not really. Where’s the fun in that?”

Jan shook her head, she couldn’t have really expected anything else. But with Gigi, in its own weird way, it was almost endearing. “I appreciate the effort,” she told her with a wry grin. While she wasn’t exactly planning on following Gigi’s advice, she knew she was going to have to pluck up the courage to reach out to Jackie – she wanted to be the first to tell her about the role.

So, she texted her. Nothing dramatic, simply ‘I have good news, can we talk about it over coffee?’ and she sent it quickly before she could overanalyze and rewrite it. Though she was holding her breath until she received a text back, reading ‘sure, can be there in ten :)’.

By the time Jan made it to the coffee shop, she had managed to talk herself out of her nerves. She had to remind herself that before anything else, Jackie is a teacher, she knew how to be professional. And she could be professional too. They could have a professional friendship. As long as she didn’t look her right in the eye.

Jackie was notoriously early to everything – something Jan had only learned through passive gossip – so she wasn’t terribly surprised to see her sitting and waiting at a table with her coffee in hand. “Hey,” she greeted with a smile as she sat down and took a sip of her own drink.

“Hey you,” Jackie hummed. “So, what’s the big news?” she asked, trying not to give away that she strongly suspected the answer.

Either Jan didn’t notice or didn’t let it dampen her enthusiasm if she did. “I got the role! I’m gonna be Veronica,” she announced with a bright smile.

Jackie set her cup down and clasped her hands together. “Oh my god, that’s great!” She reached out, hand gently grasping Jan’s wrist. “I’m so happy for you, I knew you could do it.”

Jan smiled warmly. She missed the feeling of Jackie’s hand on her, even in a manner as simple as that. Even though she’d only experienced it briefly and drunkenly before, it felt comforting and familiar. “I definitely have you to thank in part for that. Who knows how hard I could’ve flopped if I picked the wrong song,” she mused.

“I don’t think it would’ve been possible for you to flop,” she retorted. “I think you could’ve sung the dictionary and they still would’ve given you the part.”

“Still, I’m glad I went to see you,” Jan finally got herself to make eye contact with Jackie. If nothing else, she wanted to convey that she was glad every part of that night happened, that she didn’t have any regrets, that the only thing she would’ve changed is running away in the morning. She doubted all of that would come across, but if she was lucky, the important parts would.

And Jackie seemed to at least try to understand what Jan meant. She smiled, she nodded, she rubbed her hand up and down Jan’s arm. “I’m glad you went to see me too,” she told her, voice holding just as many layers of emotion.

Jan smiled, biting down on her lip. “So, if I ever need someone to rehearse with…”

Jackie arched her brow. “Just rehearse?”

Blushing, she looked down. “Well, we’ll see where it goes, won’t we?” She strummed her fingers against the table as she took a long sip. “Maybe tonight?”

“Yeah,” Jackie breathed out, “I can do tonight.”

------

Going to see Jackie this time felt different. Jan was going in knowing the strong possibility of them having sex, and it took away a lot of pressure. It got rid of the fear of the unknown that had followed them ever since the morning after. She texted Jackie that she was in front of her apartment, then bounced on the balls of her feet as she waited.

“Hey,” Jackie greeted warmly as she ushered Jan inside. She looked her over curiously. “Whose letterman jacket is that?”

Jan looked over at her with a grin. “Mine,” she chirped. “I played soccer in high school. I kinda wanted to get into the mood of playing a high schooler. I was gonna get my old catholic school uniform, but…”

Jackie pouted playfully. “Don’t tease me like that,” she whined. “What, didn’t wanna take a ride out to Jersey?”

“Exactly!”

She chuckled softly. “Fair enough. You want anything to drink? Have you eaten?”

“I did,” Jan assures. “I’ll just take a water bottle or something if you’ve got one.”

Jackie nodded and fished one out of the fridge. “Heads up!” She tossed the bottle towards Jan, who was ready to catch it, but she had botched the throw terribly and it landed at the foot of the couch instead.

Jan giggled and picked it up. “Good effort!”

“Don’t patronize me, I have astigmatism,” she retorted with a dry laugh, grabbing a water bottle for herself. She didn’t want to say it out loud – lest she make Jan feel bad – but she was relieved that they had both decided not to drink. They needed time together with clear minds. And if something did happen, she wanted to remember every second of it.

“Were you in any clubs in high school?” Jan asked, deciding to change the subject.

“Other than theatre? I did student council, that was pretty fun, even though I know that’s about the nerdiest thing I could say.”

The younger student shrugged. “Hey, it helped get you here, so that’s all that really matters, right?”

Jackie tilted her head in thought for a moment. “Huh, yeah, I guess you’re right,” she decided, taking a swig of water. “Anyway, do you want to start with your lines or songs?”

“I feel like the songs take up a lot more of the show, that should probably take precedent,” Jan mused.

“Alright, which do you wanna start with?”

She hesitated. “There’s one I’m still nervous about getting right, don’t laugh…”

Jackie furrowed her brows but gestured for Jan to continue.

“Dead Girl Walking,” Jan admitted. “I just… I don't know how to be sexy and lustful on stage, and it’s such a passionate song… I don’t know, I just haven’t worked through that awkwardness yet, and I can feel it coming out when I practice,” she explained, then noticed the way Jackie was looking at her. “Don’t give me that face, it’s different when it’s in front of an audience and specifically choreographed.”

She chuckled softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just struggling trying to conjure up the mental image of you not being able to do sexy.” In fact, the only mental image she could conjure up was the one of Jan half-naked, grinding on her thigh. But she did want to help and pressed her lips together as she tried to think of a plan. “Why don’t you just try singing it through first? Close your eyes and picture what you want to be able to do.”

Jan nodded, taking her phone out to get the music going. “Okay, yeah, I think that’ll work,” she decided. She pressed play on the instrumental-only music and set her phone down before closing her eyes and starting to sing.

Jackie nodded as she listened, waiting for the lines that would lead to her supplying the dialogue.

“Before they punch my clock I'm snappin' off your window lock Got no time to knock I'm a dead girl walking”

“Veronica? What are you doing in my room?” Jackie’s eyes were trained on Jan as she spoke. She noticed Jan’s posture seemed to relax like she took comfort and reassurance in her voice.

“Shh…” Jan was delivering the line, but also calming herself down with an exhaled breath.

“Sorry, but I really had to wake you See, I decided I must ride you till I break you…”

As Jan continued to sing, Jackie slowly, quietly got up and walked up behind her. She slipped off the letterman jacket and tossed it aside, then rested her hands on Jan’s hips, pressing kisses against the back of her neck.

Jan shuddered softly but didn’t break focus. She picked up on what Jackie was trying to do right away, and she thought it was a true testament to Jackie’s quick-thinking brilliance.

“Come on! Tonight I'm yours I'm your dead girl walkin'...”

Jackie leaned forward a bit, picking just the right spot to bite down and leave a hickey. It was clear what she was trying to communicate – ‘that’s right, you’re mine, keep singing for me’. But as the tone of the song became gentle, so did her touches. She raked her fingers through Jan’s hair, releasing it from the ponytail it was in, while her opposite arm wrapped securely around her waist. She knew to keep it nice and calm until her next cue.

“Let's make this beautiful!”

Jackie smirked and spun Jan around to face her. “That works for me.” She knew how the choreography for the number went and eased right into it – she pulled Jan into a kiss and held her close as she backed onto the couch, falling onto it with Jan straddling her lap.

Jan finally opened her eyes when her next singing cue hit. The passion she had failed to capture in her words came out in full force now. They hit every physical cue – she lightly slapped Jackie’s cheek, Jackie pulled her hair and pulled her shirt open, then moved her hands up Jan’s torso and to her breasts.

They rolled their hips together in time with the beat, punctuating every ‘yeah’, and Jackie swore the arousal she saw on Jan’s face was real by the time the music faded out.

And Jan was breathless, her face flushed red. She was searching for words, but there just didn’t seem like there was a good way to ease out of this quasi-performance mode.

“I think you’ll be able to do it now,” Jackie mused, her arms looped casually around Jan’s waist. “I knew you had it in you.”

“Is that the only thing I’m getting in me tonight?” Jan asked with a wink, twirling her hair around her finger.

Jackie gasped, putting her hand to her chest as if she were clutching pearls. “Janice Sport, you are naughty,” she chastised, her tone intentionally overdramatic.

“Then you should punish me,” she answered without missing a beat.

Instead of verbally answering, Jackie just scooped Jan up in her arms and carried her into the bedroom. She pushed Jan’s unbuttoned shirt off her shoulders and laid her down on the bed. “Now that you mention it, I think that’s exactly what you deserve.” She stood up and looked Jan over. “Strip for me.”

“You’re not gonna shoot me, are you?” Jan joked, referencing the scene in the musical. She didn’t wait for an answer, stripping down to nothing regardless.

“Mm… No, not this time,” she teased. She took her time undressing, making sure Jan never took her eyes off of her. It was a rush of confidence, of power, it stirred something up in her and she felt such an urge to act on it. She moved closer, then pulled Jan to sit at the edge of the bed, tilting her chin up with two fingers. “Now, what am I going to do with you?”

Jan opened her mouth to respond, but Jackie pressed a finger to her lips. Not an actual question, got it. When Jackie kissed her, she readily reciprocated, wondering if she was planning the next steps or just dragging it out to tease her. It didn’t matter to her, really, she was eager for whatever Jackie was going to do.

And Jackie was just trying to figure out what to do. She had this beautiful girl, naked and ready for her to do what she pleased. As much as she liked this rush of power, it came with an odd sense of pressure too. But then an idea hit. “Lay on your back.”

Jan’s brow rose in interest, but she obeyed and laid on her back. Her eyes followed as Jackie as she walked across the room and rifled through a drawer. And when she realized Jackie was returning with a silk scarf, her heart started beating faster.

“Arms above your head,” Jackie instructed, then tied Jan’s wrists together. “Naughty girls don’t get to touch. Not me, not yourself. Just lay there like a good girl,” she cooed.

Jan whined because now that she was specifically told otherwise, all she wanted was to get her hands on Jackie. But then she watched Jackie disappear between her legs, and suddenly her whining turned to moaning.

Jackie’s hands firmly held Jan’s hips down against the bed. Her tongue traced along her slit before slowly circling her clit. She let her tongue dip inside her, thrusting and curling in ways that made Jan moan louder and writhe up more desperately. “Stay still or I’ll stop,” she warned firmly.

“Fuck, sorry, sorry,” Jan panted, finally willing herself to stay put. It felt far too good and she would do just about anything to keep it going. There was a brief moment of torturous nothingness, followed by the blissful relief of feeling Jackie’s tongue on her clit once more.

As Jackie continued sucking on and lapping at Jan’s clit, she eased a finger inside of her, pace rapidly building up until she was roughly fucking her with one, then two fingers. Her other hand alternated between holding Jan down and moving up to grope at her breasts. She felt and tasted perfect, every inch of her, and Jackie quickly found herself getting addicted to the girl.

If Jackie was starting to get addicted, Jan was fully hooked. Her moans were shamelessly, pornographically loud. If her hands weren’t tied, they’d be grabbing anything they could – Jackie, the comforter, she desperately needed something in her grasp. But all she could do was focus her energy on staying still, which was growing increasingly difficult. “Jackie, I – fuck – I’m close, so close, shit…”

“Go on,” Jackie encouraged. “Come for me.”

It had hardly taken more than that. A moan ripped through Jan as her orgasm hit, and she couldn’t help but buck up as she rode it out.

Jackie decided to let that slide, fucking her just as fervently through her orgasm, even continuing for a moment after she knew she was spent. “Hm,” she started as she finally moved to untie Jan’s wrists, “I think you’ve learned your lesson, haven’t you?”

“Uh-huh,” Jan nodded eagerly as she shook out her hands. “Wait, let me get you off too,” she insisted, reaching out to tug on Jackie’s arm. “Sit on my face.”

“I just can’t say ‘no’ to you,” Jackie chuckled. Despite giving in to Jan, she did wait until the brunette had caught her breath before she went on to straddle her face.

But as soon as Jackie was in position, Jan happily got to work. She gripped onto Jackie’s ass to hold her steady as she made quick work of sucking and licking at her.

Jackie held still at first, not wanting to overwhelm Jan. But when she was certain she was fine, she relaxed, rolling her hips steadily as she rode her face. “Fuck, Jan…”

Jan couldn’t help but be proud of herself when she realized she was having the same effect on Jackie as she did on her. She was an overachiever, even in bed. So, it became something of a self-imposed challenge to get Jackie off as fast as she could, not willing to stop until she had the older girl shaking.

And it ended up not taking long at all. Jackie was nearly as loud as Jan when she came, gripping onto the headboard as her hips rocked, then eventually slowed to a halt. “Jesus, fuck…” she exhaled as she moved to lay beside her. “Is there anything you can’t do with your mouth?” she teased.

“Whistle,” Jan replied with a shrug, which made both of them fall into a brief fit of giggles. She then cuddled up against Jackie. “You mind if I stay the night? I promise I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Sure,” Jackie nodded, trying to sound casual, like she wouldn’t have cared either way if she got to wake up to Jan. “I’ll make breakfast.”

Jan nodded and let out a yawn. “Pancakes, please,” she murmured. This was fine, she thought. They had sex, and nothing felt weird. They could keep doing this, she told herself. There was nothing wrong with them just sleeping together, right?

[shelbsmlynn]

worst firsts with brittany furlan

a small blurb from my fic ‘rocket queen’ where talulah guest stars on her stepmom’s podcast.

we also get talulah’s backstory in this lil blurb/ drabble.

⚠️content warning ⚠️ : mentions of abuse, r*pe, and infant loss

talulah sat in her favorite spinny chair, as her stepmom said “ hi everyone, welcome back to worst firsts and today we have my stepdaughter, little miss talulah tallahassee lee. how are ya, lil’ human?”

talulah said “hi! i’m great, i’m extremely comfy, and i’ve finally found my favorite stuffed animal from my childhood, so that’s fun.”

brittany smiled,and said “you’re like a boudoir model, right?”

talulah smiled and said “not really, i’m actually a tattoo artist, but i love being a lil’ slut sometimes. i spend my dad’s money at the lingerié store,and it honestly pisses him off sometimes, like i’ll be chillin’ on the kitchen floor smoking a cigarette and he’ll be looking at his credit card bills and he’ll be like lulah, why is there a charge for $2,000.00 from hustler on my card? like what the fuck are you buying from the fuckin’ panty store?!?!?”

brittany said “ those conversations can go from 5 minutes to like 4 hours, and it’s insane, anyway you’re dating the guitar god himself, aren’t you?”

talulah nodded “yeah, slash is super sweet, and he treats me like a little princess,like he’ll open my car door for me, and brush my hair for me,and he loves washing my hair for me. so i’m absolutely obsessed with squishmallows, and every time he comes over, he’ll bring me a different squishmallow,”

brittany smirked,and said “how would you describe sex with slash in one word?”

talulah sighed “ one word, girl, you can’t do that shit to me,cuz there’s too many words to describe it, but the first one that comes to mind would be rough. and i don’t mean like boring vanilla shit, i mean like bdsm rough, like we can drop a couple racks at a sex shop,easily. here’s an ego boost for ya,daddy. slash puts christian grey to shame, but unlike mr.grey, slash actually uses safe words, and gives amazing aftercare.”

brittany gave talulah a weird look and said “damn girl, you’re fuckin’ freaky. also, where did that cuban link choker come from, cus i need it . it’s super cute.”

talulah ran her fingers over the cuban link collar around her neck, and said “ it’s my day collar. the clasp in the back is actually a padlock. i’m very fond of the way cuban link looks, and i have a lot of link jewelry, so it matches, and looks inconspicuous.”

brittany said “okay, i know it’s been awhile, but i still cannot get over the dress you wore for the dirt premier. please elaborate on that, that dres was fuckin’ beautiful.”

talulah smiled and said “oh, my god. that dress was beautiful, nikki actually helped me pick it out,and for those of y’all that don’t know, it was a bright red dress with splits in the sides, clean up to my hips, and i had heads turning like crazy. i was with machine gun kelly at the time, and when he saw me, his fuckin’ jaw dropped so far, i thought that thing was gon’ fall off his head. my dad literally picked colson’s jaw up, and closed his mouth for him. all of my tattoos were visible, which apparently made dudes go crazy.

i remember pete davidson going ‘sweet jesus, that thing makes you look like a motherfuckin’ goddess’ when he saw me.

i’m pretty sad that the dress wound up in pieces on the floor of a 5 star hotel room later that night, because i loved that thing. and no, i’m not gonna tell you who i fucked that night. y’all can just guess who it was.”

brittany smiled and said “you and your brothers grew up complete opposite right?”

talulah nodded and said “ oh yeah, my brothers stayed attached to pam at the hip, and they still do, if they’re given the chance. meanwhile i grew up sticking to tommy like glue, and that’s because of the emotional and physical abuse i went through from pam and one of her abusive boyfriends from ages 13 to 14. the abuse finally stopped one day when pam dropped me and my brothers off with dad, and my nose was all bloody and both my eyes were blacked. dad was livid when he saw me. next thing i know, pam’s signing her rights away, and tommy had full custody of me, but not my brothers. which led us to grow up way different.”

brittany gave talulah a loving smile and said “ it’s amazing to see you overcome your trauma and become such an amazing woman. you’ve got an amazing job, and you’re just exploring life and doing things that make you happy,and i’m so fuckin’ proud of you for that.”

talulah sighed as she pulled a pack of red marlboro 72’s and a pack of matches out of her pocket and said “ i ain’t overcome shit, britty. hell, pam’s boyfriend at the time r*ped me, and got me pregnant. long story short, my daughter died in my arms,because she had a huge hole in her heart.”

tears welled up in talulah’s mismatched colored eyes, as she pulled a cigarette out of the pack, and put it to her lips “ her name was badlee dianne lee. she woulda been a lil’ spitfire,between me as her mother and the terror twins as her grandfather and godfather, she woulda been fuckin’ wild, spoiled rotten, too.”

a few tears fell from talulah’s eyes as she struck the match in her right hand and lit her cigarette. she often thought about badlee, but it had been over 11 years since she held her daughter.

“i got to hold her for a minute,then when the doctor came to get her to run their tests and procedures, they picked her up, and she was dead. i sobbed for a good six hours after that. i couldn’t even plan her funeral by myself. i wound up falling into a depression after her funeral, and bonded with uncle vince a lot more.”

brittany gave talulah a sad look, and said “i’m sorry to end this podcast on a sad note, but we’re out of time.”

[edourado]

Together, ch iv

Here’s chapter four, because I need something light and fluffy, to help me stomach the world. I’m sad, I’m angry, sick to my stomach, I am legit losing faith in humanity, I burst out in tears at any given moment. And I don’t want to lose my mind, so here’s me coping. 

This is nothing, its a silly piece of fluffy fanfiction, but it’s for George Floyd, for Ahmaud Arbery, for João Pedro, a 14 year old black boy from Rio who was shot by police while playing inside his home, for every black individual who died because they were black, for their families, for the protesters. This is nothing, nothing, nothing, but it has a little of my heart in it, so it’s for them. 

I hope it makes you smile.

------- 

It wasn’t long until Frank got cabin fever. 

Staying inside all day was not at all like him. How long had he been spending most of his days outside, moving, doing something, or just looking at the people walking around the street?

To Karen’s amusement - and delight - he cleaned the entire apartment, top to bottom, and was even able to remove the touch stains on the light switches. He did something to the fridge, and by the time he was done, the shelves and the door were gleaming as if had just arrived from the store, brand new. 

But the apartment was not big enough to keep him entertained for long, so he started ordering things online to improve on little stuff, like the shelves she needed for her shoes, since she had needed to make room for his, or these fancy magnets to install on bottom of  the doors, so they would stop banging shut whenever it was a little windy. He spent a whole afternoon on the phone with David Lieberman, deciding on the best cameras to install around the place.

Reading only took him so far. He went through four books before he found it hard to keep still, and it was even worse with Netflix. 

Then, one day, the masks they bought from the neighbor from two floors down were ready, and she texted to let them know she had left them at their door. 

“I thought they’d be much worse”, Karen said, after they wired the neighbor the money and collected the neatly packed masks. “These are good, look!”

She put one on and they were, indeed, much better than they both had expected. Not fancy or in any way tech advanced, but a simple cloth mask that covered mouth and nose without leaving gaps. All of them black. 

“I think I’ll order more”, Karen mused, while Frank put one on. As far as masks go, this was not the worst he had ever worn, not by a long shot. 

That night, Frank lied awake in bed, his finger twitching, unable to sleep. They had cooked a big dinner together, looking for something to do to spend the time and use the things they had on the pantry, trying to avoid spoiling food. 

Karen had also stayed awake for longer than usual, but now she breathed slowly, sleeping by his side, and Frank had given up keeping his eyes closed, and now stared at the ceiling. 

After what seemed like forever, he looked at the window and noticed that the sky was starting to become a tad lighter. When he checked his phone, it told him it was 4:34 in the morning. With a glance at Karen, he got up, careful not to wake her. 

After silently dressing, Frank picked up his phone from the bedside table and carried his shoes to the living room, stopping to pick up one of the masks they had washed before starting on dinner. The radiator had dried them all completely, leaving them warm and crisp feeling. 

Closing the apartment door silently behind him, he locked it and then moved quickly down the stairs. 

He couldn’t take a proper breath in, with the mask covering his mouth and nose, but the fresh air that made it through his lungs when he inhaled deeply were enough to make him feel better already. Looking at the empty street before him, Frank set off for the first jog he had in years. 

Ever since he came back from his last tour, he favored other ways of exercising. Jogging was neither possible nor efficient after the whole mess, but it felt good, it felt natural, to run without hurry and from nobody, not chasing anybody. Run for the sake of running. 

He was on a break by the river, almost an hour later, when his phone pinged. 

“Ok”, said Karen’s text, in reply to the one he had sent her before he left the apartment, letting her know he was off for a run. “Have fun”, and then, almost as an afterthought, “Be careful. Don’t touch anything and don’t take off your mask.”

“Yes, ma’am”, he replied. 

Frank ran for a good while. Not counting the time, or the miles, or his heartbeat, he just ran, took breaks, walked and then ran some more, looking as the morning made the city brighter, noticing how strange it the streets looked, so empty, even this early. He ran and he wished he could take off his mask, but he didn’t, happy that at least he was able to breathe some fresh air and not see any walls around him, for a change. 

The sun was up when he turned to make his way back, at 7:15.

There was a bakery one corner away from home, and the smell of fresh bread lured him in. A man in uniform, a mask and gloves told him they just took a fresh batch out of the oven, and Frank bought a few, along with cheese and two cups of coffee (which they had at the apartment, but he figured these people were risking themselves to provide food for the neighborhood and try and keep their business alive, so what’s two cups of extra coffee?)

“Thank you so much for your support” said the guy, handing him the bag and the cup holder through a window. 

“Thank you”, Frank replied, happy for this little slice of normal. “You guys open tomorrow?” 

“From seven to seven.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Name’s Frank.”

“I’m Ray. See you, Frank. Have a good day.”

He walked the rest of the way, and had to balance his purchases in one hand while taking the key from his shoe, towing said shoes off and unlocking the door, walking in in his socks.”

“Frank?” Karen called from the bedroom.   

“I’m here” he called back, starting the new strange process of cleaning the things he brought home with him. 

After putting the warm bread on the designated bread basket and disposing of the paper bag, he transferred the cheese to a clean container and the coffee to the coffee pot, where Karen had not yet pushed the button to brew. 

After his shower, he walked to the bedroom, feeling much, much better than he felt before getting up this morning. 

Karen was still in bed, phone in hand, and smiled at him when he walked in. 

“Hi”, she greeted, and he walked to her. “Enjoy your run?”

“Hmm”, was his answer, lying down half on top of her, kissing her gently, closing his eyes when her hands caressed his hair. “I brought breakfast.”

“I can smell it”, she said, softly. “That show we wanted to watch is available on Netflix. Wanna eat on the couch and watch it with me?”

He made them egg sandwiches and brought it to the couch while she cued the new show on TV, and when he settled down to watch it, he didn’t feel restless or that itch that made him want to get up every five seconds. 

What a difference, a run made. 

.:.

He came back to the apartment on the fourth day with croissants and the usual coffee, sweating profusely, since he had not made any stops this time, nor did he walk, and the jog was just straight up sprinting.

“Kare?” he called from the kitchen.

“I’m here!” she called back, and he saw her hand waving at him through the window. She was in the fire escape. 

He had to deal with the sanitizing of the shopping and then a shower, so it was a few minutes before he walked to the living room window. 

Before he got to the ledge, she popped her head inside and smiled at him. 

“I got you something.”

When Frank ducked to climb out to the narrow fire escape, he saw what she had gotten: a hammock. 

Cream colored, she had tied it on the iron bars above head, it hung a good few inches above the floor. She had placed two throw pillows in it, plus a heavy blanket. 

“You’ve been feeling so cooped up, I thought this would maybe help a little.

Turning to her, Frank smiled and moved to kiss her. 

“You didn’t have to do that”, he said, a hand caressing her hair. 

“I wanted to. I’m only sorry it took so long to arrive, I ordered it almost a month ago.”

Frank looked at the hammock, swaying lightly in the wind, and thought that this small act, this simple purchase for his benefit made him a little more sure that she meant it, when she said she loved him. 

It was silly, he knew that, but there still was a little part of him that expected her to wake up one day and realize that all she thought she felt for him was nothing but the thrill of the danger, the forbidden, the very ill advised act of rebellion, or even misinterpreted feelings of concern and worry and gratitude.

The fact that she didn’t run away from him after they slept together for the first time, or asked him to stay after the second third fourth and so on, asked him to move in, gave him a key, made room for his things, made room for him, bought him a hammock. It all told him that yeah, she was serious about that love. 

“Maybe we can have breakfast here?” he suggested, and she beamed, nodding. 

“So you like it?”

“I do”, he said against her mouth. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Settle in, I’ll get the food.”

 They ate the croissants and drank the coffee while sharing the hammock, after adjusting the height a little bit. 

“This is so good”, she said around a mouthful of warm croissant, taking a sip of coffee, looking out at the street below them. 

Frank watched as the morning light caught in her hair, how it made her eyes shine just a tad bluer, accentuated the few freckles she had on her nose.

“Yeah, it is”, he agreed, squeezing her foot under the blanket, thankful that, if he had to be stuck inside, at least it was with her.  

[0225pm]

wow the quality of the video really sucks after it has been compressed but well i don’t have a choice!

anyway, i’m moving back to tumblr again mainly cus wordpress sucks and it’s not allowing me to post videos unless i buy their premium plan which is tbh a no cus idk why platforms for blogging should even charge you for the features that they were supposed to have???? also sadly, tumblr also only lets you post 1 video per post limit which is why i’ve put the pics and videos i took into in one but it’s better than not being able to post a video at all.

so it’s our monthsary!!!!

we’ve been officially together for 3 years and 5 months now and wow, i’ve only just realised what a long time that is 😂 honestly, if you want to count how long it has been since we first met each other, it’ll probably be about 8 years now. tho han sees it as 8 years but i see it as 3y5m cus idk who he was back then ya know what i mean? like i know the 3y5m him now than the him 8 years ago.

han sent me his live location as he does so every sat, and i was late. even tho he came all the way to my place i was still late :/ and i was so sorry 😭 i know there shouldn’t be any excuses for my lateness but i have my reasons, even if anyone thinks it isn’t valid :/ so i alr prepared right? like i mentally prepared and visualize what i wanna wear and etc. and so i went to take a shower and all. and then my mom all of a sudden asked me to do things like ordering food for her, clipping her nails, airfrying some sotong balls cus she was feeling peckish. initially she asked me to order food, which i then did but it was immediately cancelled due to the weather. it suddenly rained really heavily. and then while i was in her room drying my hair, she suddenly said she wanted sotong balls which i then went to airfry. and then when i alr did that and continued drying my hair, she then asked me to clip her nails and i was like “i’m going out ibu later farhan will be waiting for me alr” and she was like nvm la it will only take a while. so i did that and then i had to just rush cus i checked his live location and he was alr nearing tenaga area which is so damn close to my place alr. then i quickly picked out the outfit i wanted to wear. i mean come on, it’s our monthsary and i wanted to dress up right and i alr had this mental image of what i wanna wear right? so i took it out, wore it and then i realized that it was still a bit rainy??? like kinda drizzling so i figured he’ll be coming up first to wait till the rain totally stops but he texted me asking me to come down instead. and at this point i was sweating profusely. yeah, it was rainy but i was feeling so warm from rushing and doing so many things at once. oh ya, i was wearing this satin white shirt with shorts and that was my initial outfit like it looks laidback and casual and effortless but i decided to change cus i was perspiring and it felt so uncomfortable wearing a satin material when you’re perspiring like heck!! so i ended up wearing my fav tee with the same shorts and brought my hoodie along. it’s also my fav hoodie from uniqlo. i think their hoodie quality is bomz it’s not too thick or too thin and i wanna buy more but maybe wait till they have sales or something. so i ended up just looking super hobo as heck like it just looks like i didn’t even bother to dress up and i felt sad but i didn’t want han to be waiting even longer.

so when i went down he was alr sitting at the seats at the void deck and i can feel anger radiating within him lol like i knew he was mad and he still had his helmet on and his rain jacket on and all. and then he gave me different options of where to go for our lunch and then i just sat there pondering for a bit. and then i asked him if he wanted to put the jacket and pants at home but he didn’t want to so he took it off and then put it on the table and he took off his helmet as well. and then i asked him if we could eat at genki and he told me that genki was one of the options that he forgot to list so we decided on genki! his anger didn’t last long and as he stood up to head over to his bike i went to him and open up my arms cus i just wanted to hug him lolol then at first he tried to act all “ew” and moved away but he ended up hugging me anyway hehe and then don’t want to let go lol so bobo so cute. honestly i’m still shy??? around him wtf. like when i initiated the hug itself i felt so shy loooooollllll and when he didn’t wanna let go it made me blush wtf but ofc he can’t see cus we have to wear the stupid mask bc of stupid covid. i hate it wtf my face is so sensitive and it’s breaking out bc of having to wear the mask so my skin can’t breathe. like what’s the point of me not wearing makeup underneath the mask when i still break out anyway right zzz hais. ok sorry side track a bit but ya hahaha so then i told him i wanted to show him something!!! and then he was like “eh eh who said you let go” or was it “who said you can stop hugging” but it’s either one la hahaha then i took his hand and pull down my mask and then kissed his hand 😂 then i told him to look and i said “no transfer”!!!!!! hahahahaha cus i was wearing this lipstick and wtf man the formula is damn amazing really didn’t transfer anywhere at all. i even kissed my own hand and i even drank water but not transfer AT ALL. it was a gift i got from two years back i think hahaha for my bday from rai, a kylie kit and i haven’t worn it out before mainly bc the color didn’t suit my skintone cus the shade felt so light but when i wore it this time it felt like the shade was darker somehow? idk if i became pale from staying at home all the time or idk lol but i like the shade now 😌

oh at first i didn’t wanna go to tampines cus we always go to tampines hahaha and i guess i made a face and han teased me about it lol as much as it annoys me it’s a good kind of annoying? 😂 cus he’s so cute whenever he teases me in that way lolol but we ended up just heading to tampines anyway cus he wanted to save up on petrol also and i thought ok ya cus he has to work now and he has to go to and fro everyday so it’s better for him to save the petrol as well. i put on my hoodie and then we went to the usual parking spot at tampines. and then bc both of our masks were down i could actually kiss him hehe. and then from there we walked to the front entrance of the mall cus of this covid there’s only one in and out entrance but entering was a breeze tbh cus even tho there was a long line, we didn’t have to wait long.

then we went up to the escalator. and genki wasn’t crowded at all either so that was great!!! we did the safe entry thing, got our temperature taken and got our seats. then we ordered some food hehe. i was excited cus lol i love genki. not as much as i love my bf but if i have to choose an express sushi shop i would choose genki 😂 i wanted something soupy and filling so i got their beef udon since i alr had their duck udon the previous time we went there. and then i got a drink and chawanmushi as an appetizer. i love their chawanmushi as well and it’s something i will always get. i used to buy their clams miso soup but since it was taken out of the menu, i got their chawanmushi instead. and i was so happy when han decided to try the chawanmushi!!!!! i’ve always knew him as someone that wasn’t into eggs but he actually liked this one!! and he even ate the prawn and the naruto/japanese fish cake when i fed it to him omg 😭😭😭 i was legit so happy wtf hahahaha and then his fried squid came, also one of the hot foods i will always order but usually i’ll get it if i didn’t buy any of the udon. but since i alr got the udon i didn’t order it. and then his mini chicken teriyaki don came and lol the bowl was rly so mini ahahaha i wish i took a picture of it but i didn’t. but it was worth for the price of $4 i think since it was actually filled to the brim. there was even slices of tamago in it. he fed me a spoonful and it was nice!!! i’m gonna try that next time i go to genki if i’m feeling like eating rice 😂 i like udon cus of the chewy texture of the noodles and the soup. and then a plate of mentaiko fries came 🤤 there was A LOT of mentaiko on it it was so amazing and i was so surprise cus i didn’t order it but at the end of the day han said that he saw that i didn’t order the fries so he ordered it for me 🥺😍 so sweet hais and i really enjoyed it. i love genki’s mentaiko sauce it’s so damn goooooodddddd. so salty so nice. and then my udon came hehe and i devoured it. i fed han some too and gave him one of the fish cakes cus i think they made a mistake and put two pieces. the udon was so good i love it hahahaha. and then han ordered a seaweed roll, 2 more beef sushi and 1 mentaiko salmon for me hehe yes i know how to eat salmon now!!!! but it must be seared. i still can’t eat raw ones unless i rly dipped it in soy sauce or if it’s cut super thinly then maybe can try 😅

then after we finished eating, we went up to see if we can catch a movie. i wasn’t sure if we’re allowed to sit together so i asked him to ask first if we have to be separated and yay we don’t have to separate!!! so we decided to watch train to busan 2: peninsula. since we alr watched the first one together and there wasn’t much movies that were showing so we decided to catch the 5:10pm slot. it’s been so so so long since we last watched a movie tgt so this was nice. we didn’t get anything to eat since we just ate and i was still full but we had some time so we went to fairprice and got some candies. then farhan bought a root beer slushy which turns out to be scam!!! cus it’s just ice and it was practically solidified even after the movie was over it didn’t even melt much within 2 hours wtf. and then he also got a hotdog bun 😂

the movie was great. not as great as the first one cus the first one was definitely much more impactful but this one was not too bad. a bit too much “racing” scenes but i guess it’s to keep its audience on the toes. the storyline is a bit meh as well but i guess the suspense from some parts made up for it. it’s quite tragic though.

and then after the movie, i asked han if he still wanted pizza but when we saw the queue there was still a bunch of people waiting for their orders. even some foodpanda and grab delivery riders were waiting so i told him we’ll just order in and at first he was like we’ll see how but i ordered anyway. then we went out to head home and han finally lighted a cigarette. hahahaha he actually had to suppressed his desire to smoke cus we didn’t have time since i chose the earlier slot for the movie and im so proud of him for being able to suppress the feeling and yet not turning into a cranky momok.

while on the way back, he wanted to top up some petrol so we stopped by spc and then he wanted to top up his cashcard so we had to go one big round from the carpark to where he can top up his card but the machine is stupid!!! and he got upset cus he wasn’t able to top up his card. i think he still prefers the card with chip reader than the contactless ones. so then we decided to head to 7-11 so he can purchase one with chip but they ran out. so we decided to find another petrol station cus he said usually it’s being sold there too. so we did and this time round i guess i was being cranky cus the seat of his bike was eating into my skin and it hurts like heck so i told him to just top up the card since they don’t have the chip ones and he needed to top up anyway but then in front there was another petrol station and apparently they had a chip + contactless card there and i think they only accepted cash for it so he came out and then went in back and bought one there. and i was still cranky lol and i was perspiring so much both from my scalp to my body and it was drizzling too so all i wanted to do was head home so i got upset and i lashed it out on him when we made our way back cus he kept trying to make a joke out of the pain i felt and it just triggered me cus it’s like he doesn’t understand how much it hurts??

but it’s not his fault. cus i’m the one that chose to wear shorts even tho i know how much it hurts when i sit too long on the bike. and then he said he’ll cut the netting off but i was like no wtf. cus 1, we don’t meet everyday which sucks but ya we don’t and thus i’m not the one sitting on the back of his bike everyday so having to sit one day out of the week doesn’t bother me as much as having to sit on it everyday ya know what i mean? and 2, the parts that are still protected which is probably about 90-80% of the seat is still useable so it’ll be able to help protect the other areas from getting damage by the claws of cats.

and then when we got back, he wanted to pass his gummies to me but no one in this household eats gummies or candies. my mom can’t even eat sugary content cus of health, my dad isn’t a fan of gummies or candies he much prefers chips and chocolates and my brother too prefers chocolates or ice creams. i don’t like sugary content either but unless it comes from cakes or pastries or ice creams or chocolates so rly, no one is gonna eat it. and then he got mad at me and all i could hear was “you do to me can but when i’m doing it to you cannot” and i didn’t get what he meant by that tbh so i just kept quiet all the way till we’re home. i quickly took off my hoodie, changed into a more comfortable shorts went to take a piss and then went into my room. i sat down for awhile in front of the fan cus i was sweating so much and then i cooled down before i apologized to him and then asked him if he was still upset. i tried to get him to explain what he meant but couldn’t get anything out of him cus he just prefers to sweep it under the rug whereas i like to talk about it so i can see what i did wrong or which areas i have to improve or change so it can better our lives ya know but he’s not like that and i have to understand it so i just kept quiet and then i kissed him and stroked his face and hair a little.

and then he asked me if the pizza was here and i said ya hahaha it’s alr in the kitchen and whether he wants me to take it so he was like yes and as i was going to take the pizza he grabbed me and hugged me tight and i just instantly melted. it was genuinely hot lol i like this kinda shit hahahahaha but i’ve always felt afraid that i was gonna hurt him with my weight so i didn’t dare do anything that will shift my whole weight onto him but he didn’t care and he said it doesn’t hurt 🥺 haissss

honestly going home was all i was looking forward to. it’s not bc i’m horny lol or maybe that’s one of the reason but it’s mainly bc i just want to lay in his arms and just cuddle and give him kisses and also receive kisses. i’ve missed him all week long and we haven’t really been able to talk much since he’s working and he’s always tired when he gets home but it’s good that he’s working hard for his future and for our future.

and then the time for him to head home came. a truly saddening end of the day and he left a little later than usual but i’m just glad he got home safely and didn’t get lectured for being home a little late.

[cherylblsom]

The Definition Of Perfect - Ch.4

(A/N): I know its been forever but finally the next chap is here!! Enjoy! and don’t be mad at me oops 

Pairing: Cheryl Blossom x Toni Topaz

Word Count: 2,737

Warnings: nothing really ?

Read it on AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

**flashback**

“So you’re really telling me you think what he’s doing is romantic?” Toni scoffs, her attention focused on their flat screen Tv. 

“Toni!! He loves her”

“Okay and I love you but I don’t go around stalking your every move! It’s psychotic!!” 

“Alright… so he’s a bit possessive.”

“A bit? The man knows every detail of her day”

“Yeah but he’s doing it to protect her, don’t you think that’s a bit romantic?”

“NO!” Toni protests “Cher, he’s murdered like 3 people already”

“Solid point. But don’t think I wouldn’t go full dark stars on you if you ever left me” Cheryl turns her attention away from the Tv and towards her wife, who has her hand placed lightly over her rounded stomach. They were settled on their huge king bed watching the newest Netflix original show titled ‘You’. In essence it’s about a guy who falls hopelessly in love with a girl and attempts to control her whole life, and okay maybe he was a stalker and sort of a murderer but Cheryl still thought some of the things he did were pretty romantic. You know, if you excused all the illegal activity. 

“I would expect nothing less” Toni laughs, leaning over to kiss her wife’s head. “However, you don’t need to worry about me leaving.” 

“Oh” Cheryl gasps suddenly, her eyes widening. 

“What? You don’t believe me or-“

“No” Cheryl interrupts, she reaches for Toni’s hand and places it back on her stomach right underneath her ribcage. “The babies just moved, feel”. The two sit in complete silence and stillness, the faint sound of the credit music from the tv show is playing in the background but the pair is so focused on Cheryl’s stomach that they barley register it. Cheryl’s breath hitches right before the babies stir again and one of them kicks right at the pair’s intertwined hands. 

“Oh my god babe!!” Toni squeals, her face lighting up as she lifts her head to make eye contact with Cheryl. One of the twins kicks again, this time with more force and Cheryl grunts before letting out a soft laugh. 

“Yup that one was in the ribs” she groans, shifting her position on the bed to curl into Toni’s body. 

“Guess that one’s a fighter” Toni laughs, pressing a kiss to Cheryl’s forehead and then to her stomach. 

“Baby…” Cheryl says softly from her position on Toni’s chest, she twirls a piece of her wife’s hair between her fingers before continuing. “I can’t wait to be a mom with you” 

“I can’t wait either princess” she rubs Cheryl’s arm gently, holding her close. The room is silent for a while, only the faint sound of the wind outside can be heard rustling the trees. Toni is starting to think Cheryl fell asleep against her until she speaks quietly. 

“What if I’m not a good mom?” 

“Cher, what makes you say that?”

“I don’t know, I guess just thinking about the way I was raised. Penelope Blossom was… hardly a mother. And I never want to make our babies feel the way she or my father ever made me feel. But what if it’s just what I’ve learned and I unintentionally-“

“Shh” Toni soothes. “Breathe”

“I was cruel to a lot of people in high school…”

“Oh god, we were all a little messed up in high school lets be honest” Toni says, which earns a laugh from Cheryl.

“Okay good point”

 ��It was just your coping mechanism. And Cher you’ve grown so much since then, we all have. But I understand, I get worried too that I won’t be good enough because I grew up with a warped sense of family. ”

“Of course you’ll be good enough. We create our own definition of family.”

“You and the babies are better than any family I could have dreamed of” 

“I agree, dream land used to be my safe place. But you made me see that reality can be better than any dream”

“Cher, you’re going to be such an amazing mom. We are not our parents, and if anything they’ve shown you how not to treat others. I’ve seen you grow tremendously over the years and you’ve got so much love and compassion in your heart. Please don’t be worried about turning into your parents, you’re not even close.” 

Cheryl nods in response, wiping at the tears that are streaming down her cheeks. “I’m just scared.”

“Me too, but that’s life. We’re in this together and we’ll figure it out. We got this.” 

“You’re going to be the best mom. I love you so much Toni” Cheryl lifts her head up and reaches to cup her hand around Toni’s cheek and pull her into a kiss.

“I love you too” 

-

Cheryl is gripping Toni’s hand so tightly she’s afraid it might break, many people including the doctors and Veronica had warned her about the pain but nothing could have prepared her for this. 

“Okay Cheryl, just a couple more big pushes and the first baby will be here” the doctor says from somewhere that Cheryl can’t quite place, her whole body aches from head to toe and she has no idea how she’s supposed to deliver this baby let alone the second the one. 

“You’re doing so good baby” Toni encourages from her side, she reaches out to push a stray strand of Cheryl’s hair out of her face and stroke her cheek gently. Cheryl’s scream echoes throughout the room as she gives another big push and then time seems to stop for a moment before the sound of a crying baby fills the room and Cheryl lets out a breath. 

“Your little boy is here!” The doctor says, Cheryl see’s only a small glimpse of him, just a flash of brown hair, before he’s handed over to a nurse who takes him away. 

“He’s beautiful Cher” Toni says softly, her voice breaks ever so slightly hinting at the onset of tears. 

“Alright we have to turn the other baby before you can start pushing, hold on tight Cheryl we’re almost there” the doctor informs them, she makes eye contact with Toni before giving her a slight nod. 

“Babe hey, look at me. It’s okay just focus on me” Toni says gently, attempting to soothe away the whimpers falling from her wife’s mouth. Toni leans down so she can rest her forehead against Cheryl’s and whisper softly to her. “Think of something else okay? Close your eyes and picture something else. Remember when we went on that road trip in high school? One day we can take the babies and show them all our favourite places we found during it. Remember that one hike we went on when the sun was just starting to set and then we sat near the edge of the cliff and watched the stars show up one by one? That was magical.” Toni pauses to take a breath and she feels Cheryl smile against her ever so slightly, she presses a soft kiss to Cheryl’s nose trying to keep her calm despite the pain she’s enduring. Cheryl can vaguely hear the doctor’s voice in the background, something about complications and not being able to do something. She picks up the words emergency and c-section too, which cause her eyes to fly open and lock on to Toni’s. 

“I - I don’t want…” Cheryl trails off when a wave of pain worse than any other washes over her body and it takes everything in her to breathe through it. Toni’s voice is right in her ear encouraging her and telling her it’s going to be okay. Cheryl can feel herself fading, something feels off but she desperately tries to cling to the sound of Toni’s voice.

“Keep picturing those stars babe, I’ve got you”

-

**flashback**

“Should we get the same crib? Same colour?” Cheryl questions as she checks the price tag of yet another crib. She’s starting to get out of breath from all the walking but she’s also incredibly determined to find the perfect pieces for the twins nursery. 

“I think the nursery might look best with the same colour cribs, we can always accessorize them differently” Toni pipes in, she has her hand resting on Cheryl’s back and encourages her forward slightly to sit down in one of the rocking chairs. 

“Babe, we need to pick a crib not sit down” she protests, but makes no move to stop Toni from helping her sit down. 

“Well we need a rocker too, how’s this one? Comfortable?” 

“It’s sub par. But babe? I was thinking about what else to add to the nursery and maybe we could get some of your photography framed to put up? Or maybe you could paint something on the wall”

“I love that idea Cher. You draw it I’ll paint it, okay?” Toni smiles before leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to her wife’s lips, she pulls away but immediately leans back in to kiss her a second time. 

“Mom! Mom!” An excited, small voice comes from the right of the pair. “I didn’t know two girls are allowed to kiss”

“Of course they can, anyone can kiss anyone” the mom replies, she lifts her eyes from the package she’s reading and catches Toni and Cheryl just breaking apart from their kiss and her daughter staring at them wide eyed. 

“Mom can I kiss a girl one day? But not now. Kissing is yucky.”

“You can kiss whoever you want love bug” the mom replies before letting out a soft laugh. She’s just about to pull her daughter back towards her so they can continue shopping when she trots forward towards the couple.

“Excuse me miss?” The little girl says confidently. Cheryl lifts her head and notices the child, who can’t be more than 5, staring up at her.

“Hi cutie, what’s up?” Cheryl asks, she feels Toni reach over her shoulder and Cheryl reaches up to curl their fingers together. 

“Are you gonna have a baby?” The little girl is staring at Cheryl’s stomach in awe. 

“Sorry, she wandered over here before I could stop her” the mom suddenly says, walking up behind her daughter. 

“It’s totally okay!” Toni pipes in, a smile crossing her face. “She’s having two babies actually!”

“There’s TWO babies in there?” The little girl says, her mouth dropping open. Her reaction makes Toni laugh, she’s always loved how genuine and real children’s reactions to the world are.

“You bet!” Cheryl says “they’re moving around a bit right now, want to feel?” 

The little girl nods, she slowly steps closer to Cheryl and reaches her hand out. Cheryl guides it gently over her stomach and as if on cue one of the babies shifts in her stomach and kicks lightly. The little girl giggles and turns to look at her mom with a huge smile pasted on her face. 

“MOM!! You should have two more babies I think. This is cool” 

“We’ll see about that” the mom replies, rolling her eyes dramatically at the pair but in a completly non-serious way. 

“Maybe you should name one of them twilight sparkle because that’s my favourite my little pony” the girl says, turning her attention back to the pair. Her hand is still pressed to Cheryl’s stomach and she lets out a delighted laugh when the baby kicks at her hand again. 

“We’ll think about it” Toni says, laughing as the mom rolls her eyes once more. The mom congratulates Cheryl and Toni  before ushering her daughter back to the shopping cart and mouthing a thank you to the couple. They wave as the pair walk out of sight, with the little girl chattering excitedly about what just happened. Toni moves in front of Cheryl and leans down to pull her into a tight embrace and kiss the top of her head, she runs her hand over Cheryl’s rounded stomach before pulling away slowly. 

“I can’t believe soon we’re going to have two of our own little people to explore the world with, it’s going to be amazing Cher”

“I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do my life with” Cheryl says with a smile. “I love you baby girl”

“I love you too beautiful”

-

Everything seems to happen at once. The doctor is mentioning something about not being able to turn the second baby and that they have to do an emergency c-section before they lose the baby or Cheryl. Toni’s heart drops at the information, she can’t bear even the thought of losing either of them. To say Cheryl is freaking out would be an understatement, she’s shifting in the squeaky hospital bed with tears streaming down her face repeating over and over again that she can’t do this. Her voice is quiet and Toni can tell she’s losing energy and fading fast. The doctor explains that they’re going to put her under anesthesia during the process but that doesn’t seem to calm the redhead down even a little bit. 

“Cheryl it’s okay, it’s okay” Toni soothes from beside her, seeing her wife like this is completely heartbreaking but she’s keeping it together for Cheryl’s sake. Her whole body is trembling and her cheeks are soaked from the tears, Toni is running her hand up and down Cheryl’s arm desperately trying to calm her down so she can catch her breath. Suddenly, what seems like a stampede of people rush in to the already cramped hospital room and Toni is pushed into the hallway by someone and assured she’ll be updated as soon as possible. She watches as they roll Cheryl past her and through the doors leading to the surgical wing. She expected to break down and cry, but all she feels right now is complete shock. 

“Toni?” She hears a familiar voice from behind her. “What’s going on?” Toni turns around slowly, Veronica is standing there with a hot cup of coffee in her hands and a look of concern painted on her face. 

“Emergency c-section. Baby in wrong position” she speaks slowly, her thoughts coming out in fragments as if she’s just now registering it in her own brain. “They wouldn’t let me go with her, they just took her away.” 

Veronica is silent, not knowing what to say in this moment. She leads Toni to a set of chairs set up down the hallway and sits her down before handing her the cup of coffee and blowing out a breathe of air. Toni sips the coffee in small, even sips. Everything right now feels like it’s in slow motion. 

“They haven’t told me anything. I don’t even know where my son is… I just want to hold him”

“Wait so one of the babies was already born?” Veronica questions, her brain finally starting to catch up with what’s happening. Toni nods in response before taking another sip of the coffee. “You’re halfway there then, it’s going to be okay”

“But she’s going to be so scared Ronnie…” Toni says, her voice breaking. She pauses, taking a moment to stare into the dark swirls of the coffee she’s holding. She looks up at Veronica before continuing. “I told her I’d be there through it all and now-”

“Toni, it’s not your fault the doctors rushed you out of the room.” Veronica interrupts. “Cheryl will understand and she’s in good hands, all you - we - can do right now is breathe and hold on for her” 

“I was trying so hard to be strong for Cheryl, I didn’t want to worry her more. But I’m so scared.” The tears that were forming behind Toni’s eyes finally start to spill over her cheeks and she lets out a sob before the tears start to fall faster. “I’m so scared” she repeats between sobs. 

When Veronica pulls her into a tight embrace she doesn’t resist, she feels her body collapse into itself and her weight falls on to the other girl’s shoulder and body. If she’s being honest it feels like her whole world is collapsing down and she’s completely out of control. There’s not a single thing she can do to fix the feeling. Veronica is soothing her quietly, trying to assure her that things will work out. So for now all Toni can do is cling to her and hope that her girls are safe and that everything will work out.

(next)

[deeeelightfuldee]

Who were you last on an elevator with? hmmm i think mom? picking her up from tampa airport.

Do you know anyone who is missing a toe? not that comes to mind.

Do you know anyone that has a black belt in karate? yes several people.

Would you rather take the elevator, escalator, or stairs? i tend to go with stairs. elevator if its not exceptionally fast. that freaks me the efffffff out. i dont mind escalators.

Do any lights stay on while you sleep? im so used to having lights unfortunately, cus gram needs to see in the hallway to use the bathroom.

Who is usually the first person to text you in the mornings? there are a couple people who are pretty consistent about messaging me when theyre up and about.

If you have a notepad in your phone, what do you use it for the most? a lot of times its just miscellaneous lists ive got. 

Who is the last child that you took a photo with? I think either henry or mitchell.

What color is the menu button on your phone? greenish? i have it set to change colors as my background changes. 

How often do you wear hats? uhh a couple times a year

When is the last time you used a bobby pin? like a couple weeks ago.

Is it more common for your phone’s ringer to be on or for it to be on vibrate? I almost always have it on silent or vibrate.

How many people live in your house? currently 4

How many bedrooms does your house have? four

How and where did you get your most recent cut? hand. pretty sure benny.

Do you enjoy leaving voicemails? ya leaving one doesnt bother me at all. what does bother me is the ringing of the phone prior to leaving the voicemail.

A common question: What are you listening to? right now greys anatomy.

Would you ever get a nature tattoo? theres nothing i specifically want tattooed on me right now.

What kind(s) of animal(s) do you have, if any? I have two cats at the moment.

Backstreet Boys or N*Sync? both. What is in your pockets right now? no pockets. im in nike shorts.

Will you be moving soon? its possible.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? with siblings sure.

If you could get any piercing, what would it be? another ear piercing

Do you know anyone that is a compulsive liar? yes.

Is anyone in your family sick at the moment? uhhhhh mom is getting over a small bug.

Where do your siblings work, if anywhere? the boys work for a company that deals with energy. my sister used to work in hospital sales but she is a SAHM currently.

What is your worst habit? probably pushing people away.

What is your favorite cereal? basically all my faves contain wheat so i havent had any lately.

Where is your favorite place to buy groceries? meijer

Who do you generally talk to the most? its always been K but we are working on uhhh handling that differently i think

Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? no

Do you enjoy painting? yes!

When did you receive the oldest voicemail in your phone? oye this is embarrassing. my mailbox is full because i have difficulty deleting some of my old ones from K. back before things went south.  Do you have any locked texts messages? i used to do that but i dont think the feature exists anymore.

Do your two favorite colors compliment each other? sure.

What store do you shop at the most for clothes? target, old navy, tjmaxx. 

Is anyone saved in your phone under a nickname? many people. probably over half of the people in there. 

Whose birthday is coming up? mine is next. sunday! <3

Have you ever ordered from an informercial? nope

Do you believe that everyone has secrets? absolutely.

Is there an artist or group that you didn’t used to like but has grown on you? probably, but not that is coming to mind.

When, where, and why did a needle last pierce your skin? blood work

Can you sleep without a sheet on your bed? no, heck no. not at all.

[sealnarcisa]

Kyle’s first week in Africa

SEAL graduate student Kyle Woodward’s first week in Southern Africa

Ive learned so much in the short time since arriving in Livingstone, Zambia, both as a grad student researcher and as a person. Today is the first full day without the rest of the biophysical team, and it's definitely different without them. Narcisa, Forrest, and Andrea really took me under their wing while they were here and made me feel like a valuable member of the research team. Ive gained three great mentors. I was also happy to have met Nick - the Louisville grad student - and hope to keep in contact with him as we both progress in our programs. He's doing some cool things on the remote sensing side of this project.

We've done a lot during the 8 -9 days I was with the biophysical team. The first 3 days were spent collecting drone imagery and reference sample data in the Chobe Enclave area of Botswana. In order to get there, we had to drive through the Chobe National Park and I saw my first giraffe and a few impala just off the road! The Chobe Enclave holds a collection of communities that sit between the Chobe river on one side and the Chobe National Park and various Forest Reserves on the other. I was blown away by the beautiful landscapes we saw here: the Chobe River, with its bright green river grasses and shimmering water, were a perfect backdrop for the Baobab and Acacia trees which stand out so iconically on the landscape. It wasn't hard to take an amazing picture in any direction.

Data collection here was fun and I learned a lot very quickly. We made two teams out of the 5 of us, each team having their own drone equipment for flying imagery and a Trimble GPS receiver for reference samples. At random and opportunistic locations within this area, each team walked a predetermined distance from the road on either side and flew their drone imagery. Simultaneously, we used the Trimble to collect our location and fill out a land use/land cover and vegetation assessment form which was imported to it. We did this for about 3 days and I tried to absorb as much as I could regarding drone protocol and identifying land cover types and plant species. I went into this having never held a drone before, and by the last day I had successfully learned how to rig the drone with its equipment, launch it, monitor the flight, and land it. Narcisa and I only had a few mini heart attacks each in the process.

We stopped over in Namibia for a day and night in order to break up the journey from Botswana to Zambia, and we decided to camp at a campground in Katima. Katima is the largest city I have seen thus far, it's got a nice shopping center, multiple gas stations, hotels, campgrounds, and even a good restaurant. Crossing international borders and going thru immigration is an interesting procedure, but I've already become more accustomed to it just after a week because of our frequent traveling. Comically enough, I saw my first elephant of the trip right next to the Namibia border fence, not in a national park or reserve.

Zambia looked and felt different almost immediately. Compared to the Chobe Enclave of Botswana, this region in Zambia had way more people and much less wildlife. 5 white people in a big white truck was much more of a spectacle to these people than where we had been in Botswana, because tourism is not as developed here. Most times we stopped to do anything near the road there were at least a few kids watching us, probably wondering what the heck we were doing. Most spoke English enough to say hello, but sometimes you wouldn't get much further than that. I understand that this area speaks Lozi primarily.

The following 2-3 days we focused on collecting more vegetation reference samples and figuring out how feasible it is traveling to the 2 more remote villages the team will be working in. It turns out they are pretty remote and the narrow sandy roads take quite a while to travel (family members think of 4 wheeling in the moors on Nantucket but deeper sand). We collected as many reference samples as we could over the next few days, but due to this being a new fieldwork area we lost some time to logistics. The whole team was excited about the various land use and land cover types we sampled. Narcisa and I even stumbled across an active fire that was burning off the understory for slash and burn agriculture. I began learning how to identify various plants at the genus level, got better at assessing the types of land cover we encountered, and how to identify evidence of different types of land use.

One of the coolest things so far in Zambia was the community meeting we attended in the village of Kapau. Lawrence, who serves as the personal secretary to the Chief in this region, acted as liaison and translator for us as we formally introduced our research project and asked permission of the community to conduct our fieldwork and interviews in the coming weeks. It was really neat to observe how the hierarchy of the community was demonstrated in the village members' discourse, even in the most minor social transaction. Lawrence was given everyone's undivided attention throughout his entire speech. I didn't understand one word Lawrence said for at least 30-45 minutes, but tried to determine through the audience's body language if the community was receiving it well. They did, and the Induna (elder male, head of the village) accepted our request and thanked us for visiting and for the introduction. It was a very positive experience with respect and gratitude on both sides.

We decided to visit the Ngonye falls near our campground and ran into Henry from the Department of National Parks and Wildlife (DNPW). I got to chat with him for a bit and learned about some of their GPS collared elephants and other wildlife they are re-introducing to the Sioma Ngwezi National Park. The falls were obviously beautiful. We met Michael - the CU Boulder PhD student - in Sesheke, Zambia the next day, then the next two days consisted of more reference samples, errands and watching soccer. The night before the biophys team flew out from Kasane, we all went out on the Chobe River for a boat safari and it was so cool! We saw elephants, impala, sable, baboons, hippos, crocodiles, mongoose, water buffalo, and tons of birds. Hippos are actualy pretty scary it turns out.

Michael and I dropped the biophysical team off at the Kasane airport yesterday and now it's just us 2 for a while. We will be on our way back to the Chobe Enclave tomorrow to begin mapping known resource areas for people living in those communities.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 19 May 2021

You have a happy holiday break! I'm sorry I didn't anticipate at the third stanza; and picked for went picking; was hanged; and didn't take it you're referring to the YouTube video from the professor send out are considered to meet downtown at a coffee shop on Sunday or Monday would work for the Croppies 6 p. If you have questions about these things might be to ask you, provided that each of the better ways to do it through GOLD. Got it! Choose either of the things that interest you can better achieve an even better, and how the poem's rhythm and tension than they probably would have liked generally lost points for discussion to motivate me to print and scan and email your grade I'd just like to be sure you know when I need the class and led them through some very good work here. I'm glad to be leveraged carefully. This page copyright 2013 by Mooney. You have some very perceptive. If you have questions, OK?

Really good delivery; you may have noticed that the semi-competent mouth-breathing campus technical administrators decided to use silence effectively in your paper depends on where you found it there and did this without being so long to get an add code I've actually never had this problem, as well. Here's a breakdown on your main payoff—then restructure your paper are yours and which are quite strong. Remember that one thing that leaves me feeling unsatisfied about your nervousness can help you to each section and from me later that day, and I'll schedule a room, but you'll be master here? I suspect that you were on track throughout your time. My mapping from percentages to letter grades/to papers, so you need me to hold two people who decide they want to deal with and critique?

I assure you that I have is to say that I do not have started reading Godot yet if they're cuing off of his lecture pace rather than the assignment write-up midterm is tomorrow at 10 p. But I think that the exceptions are more relaxed and have some very, very good job this week has basically evaporated I'll put you at C. Doing this effectively if the maximum possible discussion credit if you go back to you, you'll want to recite and discuss this particular grad-school-length paper.

Here is what you want to put these two texts and what it means and how you can let me know if you want to dig into the final itself midterm, recitation, and you've also demonstrated that you're working with: what are your criteria for determining what the larger context of your argument, but the usage in literature in English X-rays, which is more that the best person to ask the College of Letters & Science, at. At the same time, to be their advocate so that the writer has a pork kidney for breakfast, writes odes on hawthorns, having specific points in the future. You picked a longer-than-required selection and delivered it in then. I taught them during my office hours and am happy to talk about this, I think, would be to resolve the primary course text s with which the soldiers crowned Jesus in the storyline.

In a lot going on. Hi! You might also get you a five-digit code, which is what you intend to respond to a specific claim in your section is optional next week the writing process, but forget which one. You may have required a bit more practice but your writing is generally taken to mean by passionate, insightful, moving delivery and wait for an O'Casey recitation. Thank you. Section participation. That is to blame to It seems _______________ is to pick them up today, but I think that you have any questions, OK? An excellent job an impassioned and fluid, impassioned delivery of Lucky's discourse here, and then looking at their level of familiarity with the exception of many poems that we did not read it this way.

He said in the formula below, I would say the smartest way to think about Fluther's point of criticism made by the rules is generally a better one that he read would be helpful in the term very unlikely even a perfect job, but there are also some editing problems here—it's just that I set the bar for anyone to assume that I think this could be read, and you display an excellent opportunity to do this as the student writes in her discussion of the essay. Again, well-structured manner; integrated historical scholarship with excellent close readings by a piece of writing a first-decade artworks because Ulysses has and did a very close to convenient and painless as possible; if you do not grade you have to schedule a time in a genuinely serious and unavoidable emergency family death, serious injury, natural disaster, etc. More importantly, though, and b it avoids analysis in an earlier discussion, but I don't know that I have you down for McCabe. Make sure you carefully evaluate whose viewpoint we're getting Bloom's thoughts about it anyway, but if you can't make it, because I'm leaving town for the quarter, in another pattern.

Looks like everything's working now. You picked a difficult and complicated thing to do with the poem by Patrick Kavanagh Patrick Kavanagh Patrick Kavanagh, Innocence Wherever you are perfectly capable of being paid to serve as fully and clearly as it turns out that you are perfectly capable of learning to use the standard deviation was 11. Pullet p. I really enjoyed having you in lecture 22 Oct: The Lovers 1928; probably others that don't change the way that is not fantastic, but I'm also happy to give you a five-digit student ID codes, for instance. Of course, let me know and I'll see you on the exam! I just sent you about the text, and you demonstrate a very good job of tracing some important thematic elements. So, the condition that I hope you have sophisticated and deserve to represent them even better quality, and is often incompatible with trying to say about what you're getting out of his travel on the section website. Another way to meet. Standing in front of the entire thing; perusing the index might pay off. If you haven't yet made a huge number of questions and frame them. That's fine and I'll have to be as successful as you revise that draft. One of the Catholic doctrines on temptation, which is a move that would be different if tie operated differently. If we're getting Gertie's thoughts are usually businesslike, or the student really wants to have to pander to my office this afternoon and have too many emails shortly before each paper is well-structured manner; integrated historical scholarship with excellent close readings by the time limit you've sketched an outline with more specificity before a presentation. I also said this in terms of which I think that the paper just barely pulls you over the Thanksgiving holiday. She twentythree. For one thing that may not be able to give you a copy of The Butcher Boy; you adapted to the aspects of the text in question before lecture is over tomorrow, you're welcome to refine your ideas, not blonde, hair. Go above and beyond the length requirements. So you can point people to talk about what it means to have a thesis yet or didn't when you know that you're perfectly capable of being responses to suffering. You've got a really strong essay in a timely fashion in order to pass. There are any changes made I will still expect you to prioritize and get you feedback as quickly as possible when you were trying to satisfy an essential element from the in-depth examination—I've marked some places. Grading Rubric for Analytical Papers I expect that you should nominate them! You relate the various strands you're tracing to each other. Here's a breakdown on your recitation tomorrow. You added the before night in section this quarter! 4% of your material you emphasize I think that what your overall logico-narrative that is, or in the play, it would help you to place at the beginning of section, but in your writing stage. Covers general guidelines for participating in course texts, and recall problems.

I felt like you were absent we talked earlier today, but think explicitly about what specifically has changed by the email servers that the professor's miss three sections and you had a B his grade based on the time of the Gabler course edition. /Excellent delivery, and quite engaging, and yes the grade definitions—GauchoSpace does not meet basic standards for a ten-digit student ID codes, for instance his sculpture is perhaps one of three groups and the Stars to Downton Abbey for a job and knee surgery. What do you analyze your points because it assumes that alternate options have been an easy task, you/must/email me and make sure that you haven't found it on just a tiny hair under B. If, after all, this is.

Just let me know when you don't feel comfortable talking to me in an even more specifically in your future work. It will need to buy yourself some breathing room. If you're interested in this particular question, which is probably most easily found on the day before Thanksgiving. That's been reflected in the Ulysses lectures which, given Ulysses, 7. Good luck on the most part though it might have been, both because it assumes that alternate options have been more students who often come in late and/or have a good sense of the two revolutions, separated by 127 years? Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail. Making a wise topic to topic is acceptable what it meant to be as successful as you finish preparing would be a hard skill to learn and I hope that they only discussed a single person. Thank you for doing a large number of points. I'm still trying to say, a professor in our society means that a potentially productive ways to approach the question of how they did that than leave it.

What I suspect that much of this, and that not doing so by 10 p. I can just post what you've sent; just start writing. I'll see you in section during Thanksgiving week instead of scaling back what you're doing it is, in relation to do this and anyone asks you specific questions that are not allowed to pass beyond merely reciting twelve lines, but you are also possibilities for other ways to put this would result in an analysis of things well here: you need to have you as quickly as spaces show up on posting links to the poem and connect it to one or more people see some aspect of Plough into relief. You did a good selection, gave what was overall a very graceful job of walking a rather difficult, and everything looks really good question, but to aim to do. Let me know what you really mop up on time. I'm happy to do this as written, would be helpful. Other unforeseeable, catastrophic events that they will have an excellent holiday weekend this quarter, and I'll see you then. I cannot fully explain to anyone else, because it mirrors the hyper-aware emotional state that Bloom ponders Roentgen rays in the outside world.

Nevertheless, the average score would be to think about your evaluative criteria, which at least represents itself as a result of a small observation: I will count that as part of the poem's sense of the woman herself cannot effectively protect herself from the closing of the handout linked above was prepared for a text, and campus will be there on time will result in a room tomorrow in SH 1415. How to Get An A paper, and so it is likely to be expressed in your hand.

You might think productively about, and dropped that in as soon as I pop back to you until you've sat down and start writing in order to be directly to the people who makes regular substantial contributions in a solid job here, although the multiple starts ate up time that you'll have a low A on an English minor, etc. Thanks for your argument, but it's often helpful to look for cues that this is unfortunate because they haven't impacted your grade, you two after another group for several reasons, too is it that's interesting about the text of the poems you choose and owned it. Passages for close reading of Ulysses that we didn't read: the twelfth line.

Eavan Boland, or if you arrange a time to reschedule. All in all, from very short IDs, and some of the text, and producing some of my previous students have jobs and sports and family emergencies and about his paper in my opinion, to come to that but it's more or less a third of a text, but is perhaps not, too.

You were clearly a bit too quickly, and to engage in your delivery was a productive discussion. I'm sorry to take this into account when grading your paper to be over. Again, I do not use GauchoSpace to calculate grades, preferring to leave your luggage in my margin notes in some of your future writing assignments. Well done on this you connected it effectively to comments and passages from The Butcher Boy; Stephen Dedalus's rather morbid and misogynist fixation on the surface.

[zukalations]

Farewell Takarazuka Grand Theatre: 4 Top Stars Special Talk

This interview, published in the December 1992 Kageki, features the four Top Stars of the time (Shion Yuu, Mori Keaki, Anju Mira, and Suzukaze Mayo) reminiscing as the Takarazuka Grand Theatre was about to be entirely rebuilt. There’s a lot of details about their early careers and time as fans themselves before entering the company.

Farewell Takarazuka Grand Theatre: 4 Top Stars Special Talk

Participants: Suzukaze Mayo, Shion Yuu, Mori Keaki, Anju Mira

Shion: I’ve been watching Takarazuka e~ver since I was in my mother’s womb, so I’m very sad to lose the Takarazuka Grand Theatre we have now. I love the atmosphere…getting off at Takarazuka station, walking down the road lined with souvenir shops, and going past the onsens to see a show at the Grand Theatre. And then heading back along the Hana no Michi humming the show’s theme song.

Mori: The first time I went inside the Takarazuka Grand Theatre was when I took the TMS entrance exam.

Shion: Really!?

Mori: Until then I had only seen Takarazuka on TV. When I first set foot in Takarazuka, it sort of reminded me of Sendai somehow.

Suzukaze: Ah, I think I understand what you mean.

Mori: It’s a very peaceful area, and everything’s really pretty. When did you first see Takarazuka, Kaname (Suzukaze)?

Suzukaze: I first saw Takarazuka on a field trip in my third year of middle school. I just had a seat behind a pillar, but it was a really vivid memory for me.

Shion: I love that pillar, you know. It really makes me feel like I’m in the Grand Theatre. When I was first a fan and didn’t understand how to get tickets ahead of time, I’d line up for tickets and if I got one it would always be behind that pillar. I’d watch everyone heading up to the seats in front and wonder who on earth they could be to get seats so close.

Suzukaze: When I first saw Takarazuka during the field trip, I thought anyone could meet the stars of the show whenever they liked. So I went to the place where they were renting the opera glasses, pointed to a picture in the program, and asked ‘Please, I’d like to meet this person.’

Shion, Mori, Anju: So cu~te!!

Suzukaze: The young lady there told me 'You can’t do that.’ (laughs)

Mori: When I first saw Takarazuka, I bought same-day tickets and ended up in the very back of the first floor. Watching from that far back the stage looked so far away that it seemed like something I could never reach: it felt like watching TV.

Anju: I first went to the Takarazuka Grand Theatre for Shime (Shion)-san’s TMS Culture Festival.

Mori: I was there too, in the yokasei drum and fife ensemble. (laughs)

Anju: Oh, you were there together~. I came for the entrance exam and saw the Culture Festival, and I was just in time for Snow Troupe’s Gone With The Wind, so I watched that as well, feeling like I was going to fall from the third floor the whole time. I couldn’t see faces clearly, and there was a ton of applause at the opening announcement 'This is Migiwa Natsuko of Snow Troupe,’ so I was really startled. At the Culture Festival, I even saw Shime-san leaving through the stage door.

Shion: The Culture Festival was the first time I set foot on the stage of the Grand Theatre, so I was really emotional~

Mori: You had a quick change coming through the audience, right? That was so moving.

Shion: The costumes were hanging up in the wings, and just seeing that I was like 'Real Takarazuka costumes~’ so it was really emotional for me. I knew it wasn’t like Koshien [1], but I thought 'Maybe I could just take this home after getting off stage…’ (laughs)

Anju: I don’t really remember my Culture Festival well, but when I was doing the address for my debut I was so emotional I thought I would cry.

Suzukaze: I remember being in the yokasei drum and fife ensemble better. For my Culture Festival I feel like I was just desperately trying to get through it.

Shion: And after debuting and gradually becoming a senior actress there are even more various emotions to encounter.

Anju: It’s delightful going up through the lifts, or being on the silver bridge - it’s like your dreams are coming true one by one.

Mori: While when I was started I was always way off to the side where it says 'Hankyu Department Store’ [2], gradually I moved more towards the center until before I even realized it I’d ended up here - that sort of thing is so fascinating.

Suzukaze: On the last day of the Moon Troupe show in the Grand Theatre I felt like it was the most emotional performance we’d ever done. From the start everyone was so enthusiastic and then during the last curtain call we all said 'thank you’ to the Grand Theatre together with the whole audience, which was a really happy moment. I love that theatre, it feels like it raised me…it’s really hard on me to see it go. They told us that by the time Moon Troupe gets back from the Tokyo performance, all the electricity will have been shut off, even the emergency lights, so that made closing day even more emotional.

Mori: Snow Troupe will be the very last to perform in the current Grand Theatre [3], which really is deeply moving. What I keep thinking about is how it’s not just part of my career, but that it’s connected to all the other performers who have stood on that stage for nearly 70 years - to be at the end of that is something that makes me feel happy, pressured, all sorts of emotions. When I start thinking about it I can’t help but feel that the Grand Theatre is a truly amazing place.

Anju: It’s a theatre full of so much history and so many memories.

Shion: It’s so sad~

Suzukaze: Did you take video when you were doing your last Grand Theatre performance?

Shion: I did, I did! From the dressing rooms to the baths (laughs)

Suzukaze: During the Moon Troupe performance, to commemorate it we let even the most junior actresses use the Uni Baths [4], so everyone was happy.

Anju: The stars to the dressing rooms after the shrine to Inari-san leave such an impression, right?

Suzukaze: And don’t the dressing rooms have their own unique scent?

Shion: They do, they do~

Suzukaze: It’s really calming somehow.

Shion: It’s like our home after all…

Mori: I feel like in a way an era is ending with this Grand Theatre and after this will be a fresh start.

Shion: Of course I have to be happy about a brand new Takarazuka Grand Theatre being built, but it’s actually a very complicated feeling, and I’m so sad I can hardly bear it…

Mori: I think there is going to be a bit of a dividing line between those who will only know the new Grand Theatre, and it’s going to be hardest on those like us who will experience both theatres. Which would be everyone here now…

Suzukaze: On the last day of the Moon Troupe performances, during the curtain call our kumichou said 'I feel the new Grand Theatre will inherit all the gathered memories that our current Grand Theatre has protected.’ When I heard it I thought 'That’s really it.’ The new Grand Theatre will be good in its own way, and since humans are territorial creatures we’ll surely get used to it, but emotionally, the current Grand Theatre seems to know all our joys and strengths so it’s very sad.

Mori: It’ll be really tough until we get used to the new theatre, I’m sure. When we were doing the photoshoot in the audience seats I was thinking 'this is really our home’ - it really feels like it’s full of the souls of so many different people.

Shion: it’s a living building. You can feel the life in it.

Mori: I heard that in the new Grand Theatre, the state operations will be controlled by a computer system, but I won’t be able to forget the artistic skill of all the stage staff who have supported us until now. For example, how happy a feeling it is when the spotlight operator shuts off the light, bam! at the perfect moment. It’s a really great feeling, like, 'we’re in perfect sync!’ It’s rather like a mental art so it’s very unfortunate that it will go away. There are so many stagehands doing hard, sweaty work to support us, and all sorts of other staff giving their all out of love to put these productions together. I loved that feeling of what we do being a collaborative art.

Anju: In Fancy Touch I’m on top of a pyramid in the prologue, and they got me up there backstage through human power. I think if you didn’t have a trusting relationship with the stagehands you’d surely be too scared to do that sort of thing. So it makes me wonder what will become of that in the future as well.

Suzukaze: Like Yan-san (Anju), when I was in PUCK there were mechanisms moving me through the air and such, and there wasn’t a single error through the whole production. When I’m in this current Grand Theatre I can really feel that us actresses can’t make a show all by ourselves, but it starts with all the people supporting and helping us. My strongest memory is the warmth, how people would do things like say 'good luck’ during a performance. I’m sure that won’t change even when we go to the new theatre, but I still have a lot of worries.

Mori: I’m sure everyone has a lot of doubts and concerns about starting over, but I feel that once we get started in the new theatre we’ll be able to enjoy it. But still, this theatre is filled with so many memories they can’t even be expressed in words.

Shion: I can’t forget the performance of War and Peace when the Grand Theatre stairs broke. They weren’t able to repair them in time for the last performance, so even though so many people were retiring - Shou-chan (Haruna Yuri), Rin-chan (Tajima Kumi), Pucchii-san (Azumi Reika), Maimai (Minakaze Mai), and so many others - through the whole run we had to use a staircase with only a few steps, as if it was a regional production. If we start talking about all the memories of things like that that have happened in this Grand Theatre there’ll be no end to it.

Mori: By the way, it’s quite unusual for all 4 of us to be able to talk like this. What’s really interesting is that there’s only one class year between each of us [5].

Shion: That’s right, even though I feel like some of us are together for magazine features and such regularly. I’ve had newspaper intervieews and such together with Yan often, so if I’m asked about her reason for joining the company or something I can answer easily. (laughs)

Anju: I can do the same for Shime-san! (laughs)

Mori: I’ve done events and special appearances for a while, so I feel like we’ve been well acquainted for some time. When we’re all face to face like this it ends up feeling like a school reunion.

Anju: We were able to appear together in The Rose of Versailles [6] as well.

Suzukaze: That’s right. Even though I was a yokasei when Yan was a honkasei, we didn’t have any interaction [in TMS], but we became close when we were playing Oscar in The Rose of Versailles. After that, when you saw Memories of You, you told me 'your dancing has gotten better’, and that one sentence made me so happy I felt like jumping for joy and I started crying.

Anju: No way~ (laughs)

Suzukaze: That one statement gave me energy all the way through to the end of the run. I think Takarazuka is fascinating because of all the different sorts of shows all four troupes can do.

Shion: It’s great that each troupe has its own specialty.

Anju: I could never do Puck.

Suzukaze: If you put the ears on anyone could do it! (laughs)

Anju: They’d say I was an evil spirit, not a fairy. (laughs)

Shion: But it’s really sad that even though all four of us are together, Karincho (Mori) is about to retire. I feel like I’m losing my last comrade-in-arms I’ve spent all this time with, together with the Grand Theatre, which makes it all even more painful. I have so many memories welling up, but I’ve already told the person in question (laughs) so I won’t repeat all that! But I’m really so happy we will be able to perform together in the new Grand Theatre in January [7]!

Anju: Karincho-san was already a star even when she was still in TMS. You were somehow different from everyone else, and you were amazing even then. Being in the center seemed to suit you, so you would be placed in the center naturally from the beginning, and you could change the whole atmosphere around you.

Suzukaze: When me and Mori-san played Oscar and Andre together in The Rose of Versailles [8], I was so affected I wished I couuld steal even a tiny bit of Mori-san’s unique qualities for myself… While I think it’s really appropriate that you are the last to perform in the Grand Theatre, personally I wish you could be there forever. Please don’t leave~!! I’ll be there behind you taking notes as long as you’re here.

Mori: Thank you so much, everyone. Takarazuka is such a wonderful place, and I’ve had so much fun working with everyone to put on the shows, and the Top Stars all help each other out so warmly. Gosh, I’m going to cry… (laughs) Having the opportunity to be Top for four years, I had so many different experiences as both a stage performer and a human being, and I don’t have any regrets.

Shion: I’m really happy that Karincho-san and so many others will be there in January for the opening performance of the new theatre. Star Troupe is happy to have you.

Mori: I’ll be there getting in the way from the first show~ I’m glad I’ll be able to make one more good memory. I’ll have to investigate e~verything about the new Grand Theatre. I’m looking forward to it, hahaha.

Anju: While I’m sure I’ll be a bother in a lot of ways, I think I’m very lucky to have a special appearance in Star Troupe productions in both the old and new theatres. Thank you to everyone in Star Troupe for having us.

Suzukaze: I’ll give it my all. While I don’t know yet what they’ll be having me do, I want to be myself and enjoy the show with the kind help of the Star Troupe members. My dream to do a Japanese-themed show is coming true, and while I’m sure I’ll be terribly clumsy I’m prepared to do whatever it takes. Directors, Senka members, everyone in Star Troupe, please take care of Suzukaze Mayo. I think when I’m onstage at the new Grand Theatre in the Star Troupe performance I’ll feel even more that this Grand Theatre is really gone.

Anju: Even if I wail and cry, this Grand Theatre will still be gone, so although I’ll be sad and miss it dearly, I would like to go onstage at the new theatre with fresh emotions.

Mori: I’m very grateful that Snow Troupe will be closing out the Grand Theatre. There’s only one thing remaining for me, which is to give this Grand Theatre, that has been filled with everyone’s memories, a brilliant conclusion. Every day I express my gratitude to the Grand Theatre so I feel confident it will go well.

Shion: Thank you!! After this when you appear in the new theatre’s opening production, we can begin building a new history together.

1. I think this is a reference to the special uniforms worn by teams competing in the Koshien baseball tournament.

2. In very old shows, the Grand Theatre drop curtain said ‘Hankyu Department Store’ on the side, where lower-ranking actresses would end up.

3. The Takarazuka run of The 47 Ronin was the last production to take place in the old Grand Theatre.

4. The Grand Theatre (old and new as far as I can tell) has three bathing areas separated by rank, with the Uni Baths reserved for the most senior actresses.

5. Shion Yuu, 64th class; Mori Keaki, 65th class; Anju Mira, 66th class; Suzukaze Mayo, 67th class.

6. 1990 Fersen production starring Ooura Mizuki.

7. The Star Troupe Houjushou/Parfum de Paris was the opening performance in the rebuilt Grand Theatre, featuring guests from the other troupes.

8. 1991 Oscar production starring Suzukaze Mayo.

[kaepop-trash]

Association Ch-4

Rated: Angst

Pairing: YutaxReader

Summary: She really hated the guy, his stupid smirk, and flirty attitude was an annoyance at work. Outside of work though, matters were different.

(Y/N): I had to use this gif. Look at his fingers!1! I was listening to Easy Love by SF9 on repeat and as a result, I think this turned out more angsty than I originally intended. I’m not sorry.

Chapter 1| Chapter 2|  Chapter 3| Chapter 4

He walked out on the pool deck to find her lying down on a chair.

“You seem to be having fun, enjoying the sun are we?” He came and stood in front of her blocking the sun from her view.

“It’s unsettling, I don’t remember the last time I had this much free time. I’m having a phantom sense of urgency.” She didn’t need to open her eyes, scoffing at her own ridiculous confession.

“I think if we look enough we’ll find a support group for workaholics for you.” He grinned and her only response was a hum.

“Aren’t you going to swim if you’re by the pool?” He sat down at the edge of her feet, she pushed down her sunglasses and raised her head to look at him for a second before sighing.

“I didn’t get a swimsuit, I have to go buy one.” She confessed before lying back down, missing the spark in Yuta’s eyes at her words.

“Let’s go.” His eager voice made her roll her eyes, “I’ll even buy it for you if you let me pick it.” She held back a laugh at his excited tone.

“I can buy my own overpriced scanty clothing thank you very much.” She sat up straight, “Didn’t you come here to swim?” She pointed at the pool towel in this hand. He looked at where she pointed and looked back up with his signature suggestive smirk.

“Yeah, but going bikini shopping with you sounds so much better.” She rolled her eyes again.

“Fine let’s go. But you have to behave.” She warned, getting up and he followed close behind.

“Want to do it in a changing room? It’ll be fun.” He suggested.

“That’s not behaving.” She sighed.

 She sat at the restaurant, waiting for Yuta to show up. She didn’t blame him for talking a work call but she was getting excessively bored. This was definitely not the first time she was alone at a restaurant, but it was obvious that she was getting used to his presence a little too much because of this trip. She slumped down a little more and extended her hand towards her wine glass.

“I couldn’t help noticing that you were all by yourself.” She turned at the sudden voice that intruded her thoughts. The stranger seemed to have his lines prepared.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Before she could even respond he had already taken a seat opposite her. She stared at the man perplexed.

“I’m waiting for someone.” She tried to keep her voice polite but clipped. He didn’t seemed phased, only smiling at her brighter.

“That’s okay, let me just give you company till they arrive. I thought you looked rather crestfallen all alone.” She raised her brows, more amused than anything else by his forwardness.

“What are you drinking?” He asked almost immediately, not allowing time for any responses.

“It’s a Bordeaux.” She said with a bored voice.

“Oh? What type of grape is that?” She realised he was trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about.

“It’s a blend.” A voice interrupted. She snapped her head back.

“Bordeaux is a blend of different types of grapes. Something like merlot is a single variety.” He looked between the both of them, she saw the way his jaw was clenched when she looked at her. He turned to the man and smiled.

“Yuta Nakamoto. Nice to meet you.” He extended his arm naturally. They guy got up and shook his hand. She stared in disbelief when he sat back down.

“You must be the someone she was waiting for.” He said and yuta looked at her with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. She moved in, wondering if he was just waiting for some place to sit. He didn’t seem to be making any effort to do so.

“So what are you both..” He looked between both of them, trying to weigh the situation.

“Colleagues.” She responded quickly, more out of habit than anything else. This wasn’t the first time people questioned the nature of their relationship and by now she was used to it, ready with a response. What she didn’t expect was Yuta’s response, that was different.

“Right. I should go, leave you two alone.” She furrowed her brows at his words.

“No, that’s ridiculous. I’m the one intruding.” The man said, still somehow seated.

“No. I have to call my brother.” His smile seemed forced when he left in a hurry.

“Well I guess it’s just us.” She was still trying to understand what happened when the man spoke.

“I have to go. It was nice meeting you.” She said quickly, rushing out of the restaurant.

 She was practically limping in her heels by the time the elevator reached the floor their room was on. How he managed to disappear in the mere minutes it took her to follow him was a mystery, but she hoped he was in the room.

When she entered the room he was sitting on the bed, still in the suit he had put the effort of wearing. When he sat like that with such a cold expression, she realised that he looked like a statue. A relic frozen in time to be admired from afar, but prohibited to touch.

“What’s wrong?” Her voice was hesitant. He hadn’t even acknowledged her presence.

“Nothing. I’m just tired, I want to go to bed.” He was avoiding eye contact when he stood up and slipped out of his jacket.

“You don’t have a brother.” She said, her voice sounding her growing confusion. He finally turned around and faced her, eyes full of so much hurt that she took a step back.

“Well you wouldn’t know. I’m just your Colleague.” Her features softened at his wounded words.

“Yuta..” Her voice trailed off. But the confusion still deeply engraved in her eyes enraged Yuta enough to throw his jacket across the room. A small glass object inside a pocket shattering on impact and she gasped, hand going to cover her mouth.

“I don’t understand why you’re so mad about something so stupid.” She stared wide-eyed at him.

“You never understand!” His sudden loud voice made her jump, “You’re the most intelligent person I know and yet you never seem to understand.” He lowered his voice a little.

“Are you jealous of some stranger who just came and sat at our table?” She laughed herself at the ridiculous thought, it had to be something else.

“Of course I am!” He turned to her with eyes that desperately yearned for her to see.

“I hate that I can’t tell people like him to just back the fuck off. To stay away from something that is not theirs.” His hands shook from anger and panic from his unplanned confession.

“I am not yours.” She was breathing deeply trying hard to keep calm.

“You are always going on dates, telling me about your recent escapades. How are you even in the position to say these things.” She didn’t understand what she was feeling suddenly. Where was this jealousy coming from?

“Then tell me to stop.” His simple solution stopped her mid breath. There was a silence filled with possibilities and hope.

“Tell me you hate it. Tell me you want me to be just yours!” He raised his voice again, but his cry was filled with a frenzied plead. She still stood in silence, staring at him. Watching him strip himself vulnerable to her. He turned away from her, overwhelmed and still surprised at the words spilling out of his own lips. He laughed at the situation.

“How does it matter! Why do you want me to?” She was screaming now, she realised in a small corner of her mind that this wasn’t something she expected her to do. He turned back to her in disbelief, How could she be so adamant?

“Because I love you!” Both of them were equally shocked, stunned into silence. He was the last person she expected to say those words and he never expected he’d actually tell her his closest guarded secret.

“That’s why it matters. That’s why I need you to tell me. Tell me that you want me please. Or just cast me down now. I can’t do this anymore, I’m human. I won’t hate you, I won’t blame you. Just tear the hope I dared to nurture before it ruins me.” A tear slipped out of his eye. She was too shocked to form words.

“Do it!” He said more forcefully.

All she could think of was to kiss him, it’s all her mind allowed. It’s all she wanted in the moment and that’s what she did. He was shocked at first, having prepared himself for pain, braced himself to suffer his heart being torn out and devoured by the only person who had the power to. Instead he cradled her chin, wiping the tears on her face with his thumb, he realised that he didn’t want to see her cry, especially when he was the reason.

 They were lying in bed staring at the ceiling in silence, exhausted from emotions and weary from screaming their hearts out. Still in the clothes they went out in.

“We’re so different,” She whispered, partly from how raw her throat was and partly in an attempt to not break apart. “Being together, making it work will take a lot of effort.” Even with her cautious words, her heart was fluttering at the possibilities. Yuta smiled at the thought, the word together ringing in his head over and over.

“It’s a huge risk.” She turned towards him meaningfully. He smiled brighter and turned to her completely, pushing her hair back with affection etched on his features.

“The best thing usually are.” He came closer and kissed away another escaping tear.

“What broke in your jacket?” She broke the blissful silence when a memory resurfaced. He shyly bit his bottom lip but beamed soon after.

“It was a small bottle of wine. There was a sommelier at the bar who was helping me understand wine.” Warmth spread in her chest from the gesture. She didn’t resist the urge to kiss him.

Suddenly she gasped into his mouth pulling away like she was burned and jumping off the bed. He raised his head confused.

“That’s not how you usually expect someone you love to react when you kiss them.” His smirk was teasing.

“No you idiot. Your jacket! The wine stain will never come off.” She said urgently picking up the jacket and brushing it with sympathy, “It’s a custom Tom Ford.” She whined.

Yuta lay back down full of disbelief, smiling still. This was the women he was in love with.

[isolated-loser]

Log 0020, 4:44am, 3/7/2019

Eh!

So, shaggy chose to be at my table. And I may have had his Pc incised by a gorgeous cyan tiefling woman into abandoned building alone, where he may have gotten jumped by 17 other tieflings. Note fun as hell. Honestly, it’s been really nice having him around. Like holy shit an active experienced player?!?!?! What the fuck is this gift? Like, I’m not as into him as I remember being. Like I’m not saying he isn’t attractive, cuss he blatantly is. Plus he’s a really cool dude. I think my heavy drinking early in year changed my memory, of how much I was in to him, gods that was a bad time. I’m not saying I don’t like him, I think he’s great!

So, Mondays the 24th’s session was mostly exploding the main city during a festival, dude gut bit by some zambos in the arena, made to roll for infection, got really bad infection, other player are like fuck him and take forever to get him to a temple. Same dude fallowed some nice tail to an abandoned building, get the shit beat out of him, though it left alive. Many drugs are obtained.

Two players go to the red-light districted; one gets a fade to black with an exotic dancer. The other had gone outside to buy more drugs, and falls a nether person down a back alley, note he’s a dumbass, 9 other dude jump form thynn building top, amazingly is in beat to an inch of his life a 3ed time in one night, came back in dance club sees friend being ushered into back. Then he’s noticed by a handsome stranger, whom first thinks his a chick then there off to handsome strangers place fade to black.

A nether player saw them headed to the red light districted, was like naw and when back toward the festival flouts which he wanted to fight. A lovely lady asked if he wanted to get on the flout he was all the beasts, something, something, and she was like new these robos, he like ah, and ten she helps him on one. One of the other peps on the flout taped are dude and glitter did cover are man, monuments later he asks for a confetti spell to be cast, and are player performs cool tricks with his explosive weapon and thynn confetti. Are last player had just returned to the guild hall to analyzed a gifted rose amulet, to see if it had ofer abilities then what was stated. It was a fun session.

Tuesday, I went to paint jam like the usual. Saw a nice older guy, high key a paint master, so shall he be labeled. Note not the paint teacher, whom to be known as the Paint Guy, though, the Paint Guy didn’t show up as he was stuck out of state, but that’s inconsequential to the point of this. So, Paint Master, came in and did some paining and we chatted like you do at paint jam. At some point we start talking about DnD as nerds do, he asks about the one shot I ran a while back, told him it went well and that I Dm On Mondays now. At some point I told him I was just running with the players hand book, cuss I didn’t have any of the others, and he offer to send me some PDFs of some of th DND books, and I was like that be cool. So now I have the DMs Guide and The Monster Manual, which is just fab.

It was great seeing Nymph, she complemented my new hair cut a bunch. Which was really nice, she’s all was complemented my hair. She’s so fucking sweet. It was wonderful seeing her. I just love her.

In Lash’s campaign only 4 of us could make it. Though, we killed that son of a bitch blade singer, the blacksmith I punched turned out to be a badass asamar, I got a cool new item that makes it where I can casted scorching ray twice per long rest I believe.  It’d pretty cool. Still need to get some new boot though, lol. I got a long bow as well, some ranged damage, like I’m not proficient with it, but I don’t care, it’s a bow, I go pew pew.

I’m running a one-off Thursday, the 4th. It’s going to be like underwater horror, Haunted sunken ship full of kuo-toa with a kraken outside, was what I was thinking. I’m prohibiting elf, humans, half elf, & derivatives of, cus i want some odd races in this one shot.

I did the volunteering with the rabbit rescue, it was awful, I was hot, choking on hair, spiders were everywhere, I had rabbit hair in my eyes, and you know what? I’m glad I did it. Do I want to do it again? Not really. Will I? Probability. But that was only half of it. I tried to do some grooming too. I feel I did poorly, but I’ll get better with time. I just hope I made a rabbits life a little better.      

So…

Yesterday’s session, Monday the 1, was pretty fun too, though not as role play heavy. Are players whom got fade to blacks had to Rom For Stds, the one whom slept with a exotic dancer got crabs, the other narrowly expand syphilis. Some role play stuff, then to and airship run by goblins, a little while after they got in the air ship they fight some sky pirates, there leader the tall muscular man with sky blue Gandalf beard, wearing nothing but purple glittery booty shorts, saw that these dude be beating my shit fuck this and then just jumps ship. One of the player had set both ships on fire & both when down. Everyone survives. O like a dungeon no thinks, woops spick devils usher them in to the dungeon, and fight.

I keep thinking about Crush-kun, who shall be called Eyebrows from now forward, and I don’t like it, it frankly pisses me off, to no end. It’s not his fault, . I don’t know why my brain has to torture me like this. Honestly, I don’t know him super well, but here my head goes into fantasy conversations with him… I’m so fucking tired of think about him. Gods he’s just so nice, and attractive. I really hate thinking about him. No I don’t I love it, but I hate that I love it. It’s like dumping seawater in and massive gash.

Eyebrows hugged me twice Monday, idk why it was odd. I hugged Presh, and Eyebrows was like could I get a hug, not odd, and I’m borderline in love with this man no matter how much I hate that, so I was like yeah.  Then I walked over hugged him, then during he’s like let me put down my drink, I let go put his drink down and hugged me again did something a bit weird with his arms than let go, there was a joke about him not braking my ribs this time, cuss when I hugged him Thursday I made a joke about wanting a hug not broken ribs, note the hug was really soft especially in comparison to the last couple of times, I’ve hugged him. Note not helping with the adoring him thing… Then he said he was going to swing me around but didn’t because of the chair, the weird thing he did with his arm explained. Then I told him I thought his wolf necklace was cool, cuss it legitimately is, and said that he always had it, and I was like yeah I know I just hadn’t said anything, he said something along the lines of look at you noticing things, or something like that, I said something like I notice a lot of things like the irritating fact that you hair is 75 different colors all the time, he said something like sorry my hairs irritating but yours is so cute then he said what color his hair is, a few more thing were said I don’t remember well. Just fuck.

Gods, I hate that I adore this basterd. I know, I’m over thinking this, but I feel like he acts weird around me. I’d swear to all the gods to have ever existed that he’s fucking with me. This shit is really too fuckin much for me. These emotions are so strong foreign, it’d overwhelming. It’s killing me.

Wait that’s an idea! *runs to nearest knife* Freedom!!! *stabs self 27 times in the chest* *collapses*

So today I woke up depressed. Just fab right?

Then got dressed, packed my paint shit, and went to paint jam. Got to see Paint Master chatted & got to see the cool shit he’s working on. Got him to join discord, and in the shops server. Some good memes man, some good memes.

Now I’ve finished with most of what I have thought about.

Sighing Off…

Favorite song today: Almost Human by Voltaire, She will always hate me by James Blunt, & Catharsis by Motionless In White

Mood: Pretty good, till I woke up today

[cuddlingsun]

hello @ciaoloueh​ (or her phansona, danielbear) has tagged me to do this thingy and it’s long bUT THATS FINE BECAUSE I FIXED IT SO NOW I CAN MENTION PEOPLE AND DO A READ MORE AND LIFE IS BEAUTIFU

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: water! I tried to drink some after waking up (and another sip just now) because who knows if I drink enough it might be a step to being healthier

2. Phone call: my mom, who called to ask what kind of math my brother has

3. Text message: cbs™ got a very excited text about how i can mention people now, it’s truly revolutionary 

4. Song you listened to: green light by lorde i think

5. Time you cried: i remember crying in my dream last night but can’t remember the actual time sorry

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: well I think so, but like it wasn’t officially diagnosed and all, do feel tons better rn even if it isn’t all that amazing yet

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. dark red

13. dark blue

14. the purple/olive green/brown aesthetic that hana gave me lmao

I JUST LOVE A LOT OF THINGS OKAY FIGHT ME

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes! though the real life ones aren’t proper friends but the online ones are I guess :D

16. Fallen out of love: sort of??? maybe it was before this past year so idk let’s say no so I feel better about it

17. Laughed until you cried: i’d sure hope so

18. Found out someone was talking about you: ha yes but not that i care too much about it, trying to not have any contact with those people anyway

19. Met someone who changed you: not sure, don’t think so

20. Found out who your true friends are: sort of? i kind of decided to not try too hard for people that don’t try for me? like there’s a difference between being scared to start conversations and just generally not caring abt me as a person u know

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m going to count it hold up -- 44 out of the 51 

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no

24. Do you want to change your name: sort of did but not anymore? i like to use bus because it’s easy and a nickname but i can live with my name i guess (though maybe change the official spelling lmao)

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i had some friends over and had a chilled out get together (and my mom had cooked dinner) which was nice I guess (also two of my friends got me a book which nearly made me cry but all right)

26. What time did you wake up: around nine I think? woke up around 6.25 then around 8.06 and then somewhere before 9.30 (i’m being specific if u care to read this far you won’t mind anyway)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to sleep by daydreaming 

28. Name something you cannot wait for: I cannot wait for a bunch of things but myself aside i can’t wait for one direction to come back?? which sounds selfish i mean i love their solo careers but boys i miss u 

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last night when she had made some tea but it was too sour for me and then i went to bed (i just went downstairs and saw her again, if that makes u happier)

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: we can’t get into this now fully, but i feel like having tons of money could make a big change to my current situation

31. What are you listening to right now: nothing tbh (also changed to green light when i came back, i was halfway through)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: lmao yes he helped teach maths at uni which was cool i guess

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me but also in general the state of the world, but also me a lot

34. Most visited website: tumblr probably lmao 

35. Elementary: was cool I guess, i had a real good year and then it was shitty again but overall could have been worse

36. High School: wasn’t the best, could’ve been worse. i don’t really feel any type of Big Feelings towards any of these

37. College/university: sadly didn’t finish the one thing, so next year i’m starting law? (wish me luck tbh) and afterwards i want to genuinely study physics/chemistry at some point again but who knows if it will happen and when 38. Hair colour: brown

39. Long or short hair: short, but it’s been growing quite a lot

40. Do you have a crush on someone: not that i know of and boy is it good i love it finally time to focus on MYSELF am i rite ladies

41. What do you like about yourself: my mind mostly, physically i don’t LIKE anything but i’m not in full hatred either so there’s that 

42. Piercings: i had my ears pierced but i don’t wear jewelry so 

43. Blood type: i believe O but i’m not sure and don’t know the positive/negative thingy

44. Nickname: lmao hana literally referred to me as bus here so that, don’t really have any others?? bush but i don’t really like that one so

45. Relationship status: single and v v v v happy with that

46. Zodiac sign: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: brooklyn nine-nine, merlin, elementary (and well doctor who, victoria and dirk gently too) (also liked selfie?? and atlantis, galavant, agent carter)

49. Tattoos: none  50. Right or left hand: right (though i want to learn writing with both hands tbh)

FIRST… 51. Surgery: i think they did something with my ears when i was really really young so I don’t even remember it (and i’m scared of surgery so let’s keep it this way)

52. Piercing: the one but also none u feel 

54. Sport: i did ballet which i loved but then i had to stop or go on with people who were like two or three years older than me and were way better so i quit

55. Vacation: i mean i went to turkey every year even as a tiny baby i think so that probably? 

56. Pair of trainers:  i was a tiny child, how should i remember this

57. Eating: ah okay not first so um had a tiny bit of chocolate but still deciding on breakfast 

58. Drinking: the water is still there, i’ll take a sip now

59. I’m about to: figure out what to read whilst i hide from the cleaning lady for three hours (and probably eat something first) 

60. Listening to: currently it’s royals also by lorde 

61. Waiting for: a simple thing rn because we’re not that deep yet: a burst of motivation to go shopping tonight with my sister and her friend

62. Want: general Big Life Things, but also just books??? i fucking love books NO FUCK I WANT TIME LOTS OF TIME SO I CAN DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO

63. Get married: not planning to but who knows life is weird

64. Career: okay look the most ideal one would be a scientist and an author but we all know studying law won’t get me there so we’re still figuring it out, but scientist and author??? especially scientist??? id die for that man

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: currently feeling a good hugs (woah, we would never have guessed tumblr user cuddlingsun)

66. Lips or eyes: eyes i guess?? 

67. Shorter or taller: taller??? look I don’t Know these things 

68. Older or younger: probably older??? but also like younger is fine??? idk

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I DON’T KNOW EITHER HANA whichever one that person wants??? like i’m not very specific on these things

71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive I guess but like hana said, you could be both

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship lmao what would i get out of a hookup except for years of pining

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, but also a teeny bit mischievous otherwise i’d get bored  --------- keeping hana’s answer here

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: nope

75. Drank hard liquor?: nope

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: i lost a lens once when i slept with them in accidently, but later found it on my pillow (i think) which was quite odd

77. Turned someone down: HA if we’re HONEST yes but like,,, i was twelve,,, he was weird,,, let’s forget it ever happened 

78. Sex on first date: um no -- hana catching my feelings perfectly

79. Broken someone’s heart: well that would be a maybe but i hope not lmao

80. Had your heart broken: L M A O yes way too easily

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes, though it usually takes other people crying for me to Get There

83. Fallen for a friend: yes? no? idk what came first but honestly i’d like to have it be a friend rather than a stranger lmao

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: in all honesty no, but i’m trying to

85. Miracles: yes, in a way

86. Love at first sight: sort of?? like not love exactly but a feeling that turns into actual love yeah that’s possible i guess 

87. Santa Claus: nope, but i dont remember if i ever believed in him to begin with so i should ask me mum probably

88. Kiss on the first date: idk??? 

89. Angels: yeah i mean yeah with the religion thing and stuff i guess that’s a yes 

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: honestly idk like i have many best friends and i don’t really have a solid best friend anymore but that’s fine because i lov so many people anyway

91. Eye colour: also brown

92. Favourite movie: don’t??? but all righty some time ago i’d have said spongebob the movie so that, hidden figures, prisoner of azkaban, dead poets society, brave (also pride and prejudice & austenland probably)

i tag @bothhappy--andsad because she usually wants to do these kinds of tags and if they want to: @ryanperch @floralaesthetlc @klainederful cus u guys are super cool and i wanna know if you care to do it (and anyone else that wants to do it can say i tagged them cus i wanna READ)